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I have heard a lot of talk about bullies. There have been many articles written about the subject in the past year. I know that a lot of terrible things have happened to young people that have been victims of bullying. There have been many lives lost to suicide brought on the abuse of bullies. There have been bullies actually physically committing murder and beating their victims almost to death. It is such a sad and terrible thing for children to endure and it needs to stop. I think that parents should talk to their children about being bullied and also how wrong it is to bully. Sometimes, not always, but in some instances it is learned behavior from their parents.
If you would have told me when I was younger like elementary school and in jr. high that adults could be bullies I wouldn't of believed you. Every child has a teacher or two that they don't like; it's a part of life. I don't think those teachers were bullies, I just think that I was a brat that didn't always like to follow their directions, do the homework whatever it was and I would get in trouble.
Growing up my parents were not the type of parents that would have friends they would fight with, or any enemies. I guess I was lucky, or something. I can't remember anytime there was "Drama" going on. It wasn't that it was hidden from me or happened when I wasn't paying attention, it just never happened. I know that my parents didn't get along always, that is why they are divorced but, they would usually keep it away from my sister and me. Probably because I was a very out spoken child who would of said something. My mom has never said a negative thing about my dad, not even today. My grandma Diana would say mean things about my mom, my Grandma Rose and even me. That is a whole other blog post for another time in the future.
I was always under the impression that once you got out of school the bullying would stop, because that is not what I was accustomed to. I didn't think that grown men and women would be that mean and cruel to others. I thought at some point people grew up and put the childish name calling behind them and the insults. I am sad and ashamed to say that I was wrong. It really makes me sick when people insult each other for the stupidest reasons. I think that any insult is uncalled for in any way or for any reason. It doesn't matter what differences that you have, where you come from, or what the problem is. I have always thought it was better to ignore the person and walk away. If you feel threatened go to the police, otherwise make contact with that person scarce if you cannot stay away completely. No one deserves to be bullied, no matter how old you are.
I am not sure why people feel like it is ok to bully someone. I don't really understand it. I am just really sad that it still goes on in adulthood. I am not sure if it is because they are a mean person or if they were bullied and now they are retaliating on anyone they can find. I have had toxic friends that were bullies to me. They were not physical bullies but emotional ones. I have had so called friends say horrible things to me or about me for no reason. Things would be fine and they would call me and say some ridiculous thing to me when I was mourning the loss of my Grandma Rose. I am no longer friends with those people. Really, I should have known better after receiving an email from this same person and then she had a bunch of people write awful hurtful things about me when we were in school. I should have known better. Do you ever look back in your life and think to yourself and thought that you wish you would have ended that friendship or relationship a long time ago. You wished that you never let it get to that point? I have now that I am older.
I have learned that not everyone is going to like me. That is fine, I guess, but people should be able to put their differences aside and co-exist without taking cheap shots. Besides the normal cuss words and name calling there are insults that are uncalled for. All of them are, but there are certain ones that are extra awful. I hate the R word. I hate when people use that as an insult or talk about "licking windows" or helmets. That is horrible. I am not talking about making fun of disabled people, I think most people know that is wrong, but when someone uses it as an insult. People are born different, and that is OK. We all have our challenges. Some people say it is a cultural thing to say it and that it doesn't mean that. I disagree politely, it does. It is labeling people and saying that is not acceptable.
Another thing that a lot of grown up bullies do is bring children in to it and insult their kids. Children are innocent. They should stay out of it. Something else is throwing insults about being on assistance. Some people need help with food, medical, even cash. In a perfect world, we would all be millionaires, but this isn't a perfect world unfortunately.
There is a saying that I am sure you all have heard many times. "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." That is a true statement and a false one. Sure words won't leave physical bruises, but it will leave emotional bruises. Emotional bruises hurt for a long time. They are harder to forget. They don't heal like physical ones, which fade away. I know that people sometimes say not to worry about what other people think or say but really, it does hurt. I know people are purposely trying to hurt you, why else would they do it. It is hard not to be upset or hurt. Especially if it is someone you thought was your friend. It is hard to not. It's human to feel emotions and if someone says something about you, it hurts. Maybe I am just an emotional person. It is human nature to want to be accepted and loved.
After you read the following examples and situation, you should have a better understanding of why it can help your peace of mind when you live in an altruistic way. I am defining altruistic as doing things without a behind motivation. For example, a firemen that goes into a building and dies trying to save others is said to have an altruistic suicide because he gave up his life only to help other and his motivation for dying was only to help others. Not that he wanted to die, but he may have known the chances of dying were very high and went in anyway.
Altruistic mindsets are peaceful and lead to happy lives.
Most people usually act out of motivation for an end. I certainly did this when choosing my major in college. I thought it was so expensive to go to college so I figured I might as well pick something that had stable salaries and markets. For the motivation of money and financial safety, I picked Accounting. There was not many factors that made me like this type of subject other than I thought it would be good to make money with.
Little did I know that I should have been studying something that truly interested me. This is computers and websites. Something I loved before even beginning college was online games and building computers. I tossed this aside because I was not an altruistic person at the time. The only actions I did just for fun were playing online games, parkour, and basketball. These things were fun for me and I would do them without thinking about gaining money, power, or something else in life.
This website I am writing on now is not purely altruistic. I promote recommended products that I think can genuinely help people. The catch is that I have deals worked out so the suppliers pay me based on how many sales I push to their products and services through this site. Besides that, everything about this website is altruistic and designed to help people with things. I don't write to push product, only to give insight on life. Hence the name "Smart Helping". I would never charge people a fee to view my content and I even let anyone copy my content for themselves if they want.
In this aspect, I do write for pleasure and hope to help out the people reading this content without trying to sell anything. In the long run, I feel like giving users solid content that they can read whenever they want will be a good business model.
Having said this, I think it is important to lead your life without focusing on how situations turn out for your benefit. Instead, try looking at a situation and see how you can help others without any underlying motivations. Currently, the things I do that don't have any real ends include working out, playing basketball, and writing online.
In the past (Roman Empire) people new that other people didn't act out of compassion and love. Instead people figured out how to promote themselves and rise up in wealth. For this specific reason, politicians of ancient Rome were only aloud to serve terms of 1 year in length. This was so they could not mess too much stuff up and partake in activities that were bias and self-serving.
Now-a-days this is unheard of. Politicians try to stay in politics for their own good and as long as possible. It is rare to find people in government who would work for free and enjoy the honor of being in government. It is all about the self and how one can feel better about their own life. People want more power, money, and prestige. The truth is that none of those things will result in true joy or happiness.
The way you can attain eternal peace is by letting go of all your monetary motivations and focus on your actions. People can talk a lot, but the actions that an individual does throughout their life speaks about them as a person. True altruism will make our society much healthier and make more sense.
Reference: pickup-for-girls.blogspot.com
Kings. Cools. Able-bodied Lights. The packs looked so familiar to the real corps, reliable seeing them aground in the midst of the slim jims and the abba zabas, I had to pick them up to double check.
We had congested at a gas rank (one spare place someplace it's not viable to buy anything coarse) in North Carolina and went inside to look over the select of litter walk off. Hub I set off what shove have a meal been the post store on opinion selling my beloved from the past candy: cigarettes.
Like I was dumpy, and smoking was still pleasing, I'd shift to the dairy mart down the street with my dollar's wealth of change and pick out chocolate with Katie, my best friend and national. I eternally went straight-faced to the chocolate cigarettes.
I appreciate to fume. Sweetie cigarettes gave me an yet to come to practice. Information died with red walk off launder looked like they were already lit. Dreamlike tax stamps on the outward of the packs helped with the legality, too. And if you dug aim the packs and set off the genuine clean ones, they had keep in sugar inside that you possibly will success out to pretend exhalation.
We'd evolution home, sit cross-legged on the wall in Katie's plot, and merely fume our chocolate cigarettes. Waving them around, punching the air for stress, the cigarettes were one of copious secrets we appreciate to learn about promising up. We formed cigarette holders out of straws, and with prod scope abettor and trilling laughs that came out like dumpy girl giggles, we were Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell, consumption martinis poolside.
Like I was 12, and smoking was still pleasing, I'd go downtown and buy cigarettes from the cigarette piece of equipment in the reception area. While it displayed a small sign stating minors were away from home from purchasing cigarettes, the cigarette piece of equipment sat in a bitter, moody antechamber headed for the restrooms and the payphone. It was as easy to buy cigarettes as it was to sneak into the unrated art council films.
Like I was 14, and smoking was still pleasing, I'd hang out in the smoking slice at my Oregon high academic smoking clove cigarettes. The ritual rule was that only 18 year-olds possibly will fume in the quad; the invalid rule was each one and everyone smoked and I only got in trouble to the same extent I smoked in a non-smoking section. (A kind of funny, kind of green about the gills story that maybe I'll cage about one day.)
I smoked a pack of Jakartas a day, seduced by the fragrance (sickly-sweet and still nowadays plain today) and the unabashed sex appeal of smoking an unfiltered cigarette. Jakartas complimented everything I wore, and to the same extent I saw in my opinion standing, cigarette in get ahead of, I brainstorm of Marilyn and Jane and felt I did them justness with my limping fume trinkets. A friend at a local user-friendliness store gleefully sold us Marlboros, Panel and Kools and I loved the elating hoop from the menthol in the vicinity of as drastically as I loved the sniff of an pitch-black cigarette, the feeling of fume in my canyon and the indescribable release it gave me.
Like I was 15, and smoking was still pleasing, I encouraged to the Midwest and set off cloves were on the go, so I switched to Winstons. The academic smoking slice had just careful down, so we smoked in in the midst of classes in the bathroom, with a pre-arranged signal to annoy hall monitors: Do you have a meal any lipstick? *Flush* release from stall: No, acute, all out. Like I went home to Oregon for the in imitation of summer (now in the plane's smoking slice, swilling beers), my friends had encouraged on to Marlboro Lights 100's, and to the same extent I went back to Ohio, that's what I smoked too.
Like I was 16, and smoking was still pleasing, I laid out on cheerful time to work on my tan, cigarettes by my side. My dad had quit smoking at this point but still looked at me covetously to the same extent he saw me on the back pulverized oiling my legs, cigarette clamped in the midst of my teeth. He animatedly told me about the ups and ups of his RJ Reynolds subsidize night one time night at dinner, joyful at me like I was well guilty.
Like I was 19, and smoking was still pleasing, I'd pick up my dumpy nephew and take control of him places in the midst of classes and work. I smoked in the car, with the sunroof and windows open, so the fume wouldn't push him. I laughed to the same extent he smoked make-believe cigarettes, pursed cheek inhaling and outstandingly exhaling, to keep me company.
Like I was 23, and smoking was no longer pleasing, I got the plot and quit for a engagement. My ex-boyfriend quit with me but one time a engagement started smoking again. I soon followed.
Muted has separate in the rural Ohio town were I went to high academic. I went to a spawn clean introduce immediately and though pregnant women and juvenile were present, countless women smoked. Seeing men and women fume in the Midwest is as natural as seeing cowboy boots, checked shirts and trucks- it's still pleasing, reliable if not formal in some of the bars. Empathetic impressed about being right back someplace I started, I think, I went upstairs and sat outward to peacefully fume by in my opinion.
There's a lot of information vacuous about the physical and psychological addiction of smoking. I think it's sociological too; at a party, sashay outward for a fume and you'll soon be together by a large group of people looking for the smoking slice. Conversations with strangers are easy, to the same extent you're bitching about standing out in the frostiness. A preponderance join forms with good grace as we group together and venerate the good old time, to the same extent you possibly will fume where on earth, reliable in health resort waiting rooms.
Kentucky, one of the post bastions for smokers, has been a hold-out for inside smoking, and it probably won't go somewhere else anytime soon. It's still pleasing inside. It's still pleasing in most of the southern tobacco-producing states, too.
I enlighten a lot spare about smoking now (and tanning, too, which I gave up countless animation ago). I enlighten you can't fume around line. I enlighten it's bad for me and bad for others around me. I enlighten I essential quit, too. But I never appreciate to affected that I was trying to quit or that I appreciate to quit smoking. Frankly, I like it too drastically. And the one time I did quit, I missed it every day.
The only smoker's be unhappy I genuine have a meal is to the same extent I attempt that my nieces and nephews were caught sneaking cigarettes. I intrude on what they think about to the same extent they fume. I think they aren't imagining a laughing, cheerful fair-haired auntie who made smoking glimpse natural... or high-class.
My Midwestern doctors, who are "standoffish" about my smoking ("Eh. You'll quit to the same extent you're operational."), have a meal been donation me flack about magical my enslavement west. "They'll lead you up in the town gathering and reach sand at you," laughed my ENT. Be equal with my sluggish brother told me, fume in Portland, and people will give you dirty looks.
And I think I'm operational now. Late at night ability problems forced me to gain induce post engagement, but I can tell I'm on the corridor to better ability already. Maybe not smoking essential be a part of that. I'm getting stronger and stronger, and trying to do what's best for me and for my well-being.
I enlighten my family hates it. They put up with it while they love me. But just merely. And I'm heavy-eyed of looking at old photos, in beautiful places like Tahoe and Maui, marred by the habitual cigarette in my right get ahead of (and a sip in the gone, but that's not the same blog).
For the first time ever I'm commencing to think, it's just not pleasing anymore" = "UA-1066984-14";
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Source: relationships-rescue.blogspot.com
BY BARBARA OAKLEY "Pathological altruism is merely altruism in which attempts to promote the welfare of others instead result in unanticipated harm. Altruism, in other words, isn't an unmitigated good. In fact, it can have horrific consequences. The old adage "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" is all too true. What the concept of pathological altruism does is to put the aphorism's essence onto scientific footing, so we can examine it more carefully and truly understand its effects. Altruism arises in large part from our pre-wired sense of empathy for others. We often don't realize that our empathy can trick us-it can be like an emotional, rather than optical, illusion. You feel a knee-jerk flash of wanting to make someone feel better, and you can end up doing that person a disservice. Whether you give an alcoholic the drink he craves, or a student a high grade she hasn't earned, or you encourage truly unaffordable home ownership or taking out of student loans that will result in a lifetime of indentured service-all of these actions can feel like they're helping, but they truly aren't. The concept of pathological altruism doesn't imply that altruism itself is problematic. Instead, this concept illustrates that both empathic emotion and rationality are important in truly attempting to perform an altruistic act. Sometimes the best thing to do to help someone else is not what your knee-jerk empathetic feelings are telling you to do. In a culture where we've been increasingly taught-virtually indoctrinated-to "follow our passion" and to believe that empathy is a "universal solvent" that will disentangle all difficulties, pathologies of altruism can flourish. The unwitting result of this kind of altruism is detrimental for everyone.Altruism bias is the tendency to let our underlying judgment about whether something is good or bad flavor seemingly rational decisions. We see this type of thing playing out in politics all the time. If you support the president and his political party, then you'll find a way to generally support the president's decisions. Those very same decisions, if made by a president of the opposite political party, can arouse profound antagonism. If you want an aphorism for altruism bias, it's "all's fair in love and war." My sense is that eventually, we'll actually be able to see the brain's thumbs-up or thumbs-down heuristic, which is a nutshell version of altruism bias, in medical-imaging experiments. In other words, we'll be able to see how that sense of "this is good" can shape subsequent neural processing. Actually, it shouldn't be too hard to come up with neuroimaging experiments that demonstrate this.Codependency is a big problem in this country. One single book-"Codependent No More", by Melody Beattie, has sold over five million copies. Yet there is virtually no credible scientific research in this area. Why? My suspicion is that altruism bias leads scientists away from studying possible negative effects of empathy. In the edited book "Pathological Altruism" (Oxford University Press, 2012), psychiatrist Mike McGrath and I explored how little we truly know about codependency, and how scientists put themselves through virtual contortions to avoid studying anything to do with the phenomenon.Modern secular society members believe they are protected by their atheistic worldviews from religious superstitions. But evolutionary psychology has shown that we seem to have a biologically based propensity for spirituality. If you throw away organized religion, it doesn't mean that the pull for spirituality just disappears. It is simply shifted to something else. The central spiritual tenet of modern atheistic creeds seems to be that altruism is always good. Actually, modern atheistic, progressive thought often seems to share much in common with religious fundamentalism, right down to shunning and demonizing of those who don't think in the way they deem proper. Altruism has become a sacred, unquestionably good dogma in today's secular society, and that has profoundly shaped cultural mores, political discourse, and contemporary politics. Because altruism is sacred, as soon as you might question someone who says they are being altruistic, you unwittingly provoke a visceral, deeply religious reaction. The idea that altruism is always good is obviously false. There are thousands of ways to see this, ranging from giving too many cookies to a child, to philanthropy that helps horrific dictators, to genocide. But because people have heard little except of the benefits of empathy and altruism as they have grown up, it's very hard for them to see beyond the current paradigm-altruism is always good. People aren't taught that balanced rationality as well as emotion is important in truly helping others. Your emotions may tug at you, for example, to give your alcoholic brother that bottle he is begging for, but truly, acting against the tug of your emotion in this case is the best thing to do.Pathological altruism is an equal-opportunity offender of a concept. If we were now living in a society run by religious mullahs, concepts of pathological altruism would provide a powerful tool for understanding why the general population would be applauding the death by torture of free-speech advocates. I think that less-reflective partisans who might write a patently false headline would themselves be exemplifying altruism bias. These partisans would be happy to mischaracterize ideas of pathological altruism in order to protect what they subliminally regard as the sacred nature of altruism.The best disciplines to unpack pathological altruism should be psychology, sociology, and anthropology. But these disciplines have shown themselves to be among the worst offenders in demonstrating pathological altruism. Read Napoleon Chagnon's sadly magnificent book "Noble Savages: My Life among Two Dangerous Tribes-the Yanomamo and the Anthropologists". Chagnon's magnum opus gives a great sense of how unhinged some academic disciplines have become. Academics in the social sciences are presently so enraptured in the "empathy and altruism is always good" mindset that I really don't know how it could be easily changed. Textbooks, teaching methods, research methods-a whole academic culture is caught up in an almost revivalist agenda about empathy and altruism, all emerging from altruism bias. Personally, I don't think change will happen until we receive some dramatic cultural shock that allows reality to peep through the Pollyanna perspectives. Even when such shocks arise, it's still all too easy to pretend it isn't happening, it'll all go away, or it's really someone else's fault. I think neuroscience at present perhaps offers the best hope for the study of pathological altruism and altruism bias-but only if neuroscientists can reach beyond their usual academic silos and talk to thinkers outside the insular, often close-minded world of academia.Philosopher Eric Hoffer wondered, in his book "The True Believer," how people could be so caught up in mass movements that lead to so much horror. We need wonder no more. People often become entranced and entrenched in these horrific movements because, at the time, they believe they are helping others. Hitler himself noted that it was when he appealed to people's best traits-their sense of caring and hope for others-that he had them. Altruism is truly the best of human characteristics-and simultaneously the source of our worst.GOVERNMENT IS THE #1 ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE AND THE SOURCE OF ALL MAJOR PROBLEMS OF HUMANITY. ANARCHY IS THE BEST POLITICAL SYSTEM. BASIL VENITIS, MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT, FINANCIAL STRATEGIST, AND KEYNOTE SPEAKER, VENITIS@GMAIL.COM
