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by Janelle Richards
Stay-at-home moms were in the spotlight last week after democratic strategist Hilary Rosen said stay-at-home mom Ann Romney had "actually never worked a day in her life." This statement kicked off what has been dubbed the "mommy wars" -- an intense debate between working women and stay-at-home moms about the value of each experience.
President Obama condemned Rosen's remarks, saying, "there's no tougher job than being a mom" and "when I think about what Michelle's had to do, when I think about my own mom, a single mother raising me and my sister, that's work. Anybody who would argue otherwise I think, probably needs to rethink their statement."
While women across the country reacted to Rosen's comments, some black women were mute on the topic. Unlike women of other ethnicities, black women have traditionally not had the choice to become stay-at-home mothers.According to "Historical Changes in Stay-at-Home Mothers: 1969 to 2009 by Rose M. Kreider and Diana B. Elliot the number of stay-at-home mothers has decreased from 9.8 million in 1969 to 5.7 million in 2009.
"Black women were about half as likely as White women to be a stay-at-home mother, while the odds for women of other races did not differ from those of White women," Kreider and Elliot write.
Historically, black women have always worked.
"There is evidence that married black women have always been employed outside of the house in large numbers," (Landry 2000) Kreider and Elliot note. "Even black mothers with young children were in the work force following World War II, when many of their white counterparts had withdrawn from the labor force" (Thistle 2006).
Now, the economy is perhaps the biggest reason why the idea of being a stay-at-mother for black women hasn't been a reality. The recession took a toll on the economic status of many Americans and the black community was hit particularly hard.
The 8.2 percent unemployment rate is nearly double that for African-Americans at 14 percent.
"Women usually have better success getting jobs than black men do," said Dr. Camille Charles, a Professor of Sociology and Africana Studies at the University of Pennsylvania. "So if you're talking about a two parent household, she's more likely to end up being the one to pick up the slack because historically the women have been more employable and more desirable employees because of the gender stereotypes we have as African-Americans."
Black women have an unemployment rate of about 12.3 percent, slightly lower than the 13.8 percent unemployment rate for black men. Black men and women have long worked to close the wealth gap between themselves and other ethnicities.
"The woman's not going to be the one to stop working and stay home," said Charles. "She might be the bigger earner. And as long as marriage and divorce rates are the way that they are now, and other contentious things in the black community, I don't think women are going to feel secure in giving up their careers."
During the late eighties and early nineties, fictional character Clair Huxtable in The Cosby Show embodied being a supermom. She had her own career; she was a dedicated mother and a loving wife. She was a symbol for many black women that they too could have and do it all.
Michelle Obama represents a similar ideal for many women today. She had a successful career as a lawyer before she became the first lady of the United States. She is now technically a stay-at-home mom, but her unique position makes her more of an outlier than the norm.
"I don't think [being a stay at home mother] has ever been a realistic option for the vast majority of black women," Charles added. "And even if we think about the black women who are married to the very few men who have the status where they can stay home - you're talking about a very small percentage of women who can do that comfortably."
Another reason why black women may have not have the option to stay home is because of the number of single mothers in the black community.In 2008, 72 percent of African-American babies were born to unwed mothers, according to a Pew Research report. Blacks were less likely than whites to be married, and black children were nearly three times as likely as white children to live with one parent.
Kuae Mattox is president of Mocha Moms, Inc., a support group for mothers who have decided not to work full-time outside of the home. Mattox is a stay-at-home mother who never imagined not working. She received her master's from Columbia University and went on to climb the ladder at national news organizations before deciding that staying home was the best choice for her family.
"There are many in the black community and in society who don't understand the value of what we're doing," said Mattox. "We understand very well, particularly in our organization, that a stay at home mom in January could be a working mom in September."
Maria Smith is another black stay-at-home mother and a journalist who describes her family as middle class.
"We're not the Romney's," said Smith, "We have sacrificed so that I can stay home. Not all families who have parents staying home are upper class. We don't live in mansions and all have maids and help for our kids and all that stuff that some one-percent type moms do."
Being a part of the upper echelon is just one label that black stay at home moms are given.
"When I was growing up, it never entered my mind that I would become a stay at home mother," said Mattox. "This was unheard of years and years ago -- our parents grew up and fought in the civil rights movement and their dream was to grow up and go to a good college and work their way up the corporate ladder."
Professional women who give up their careers to raise their families are sometimes seen as throwing away their hard earned success and erasing that progress which past generations worked to achieve through hard fought battles.
"Being a stay at home mother is a shift in who you are," said Smith, "It is about identity. I was never associated, myself, with just being a television producer; that was just what I did. But those lines get blurred a lot."
The societal implication that staying at home means you are living a life of luxury versus solely fulfilling domestic duties is not necessarily representative of what mothers at home are doing. Their reality is more complex.
"The whole notion of stay at home mom it's a huge misnomer, and it implies passivity," said Mattox, "The moms I've met -- they don't stay at home. They are home based parents, but they are moms who are grassroots organizers, PTA organizers, and they are out participating in their communities."
Balancing career and family life is a natural expectation for African-American women.
"We don't see the mommy wars as our wars - we have friends, mothers and aunts who all worked," said Mattox. "It would be hypocritical of us to disparage people who worked and to tell people what to do - you have to decide what's best for you and your family."
Ashani O'Mard is a grant development manager who manages a part-time schedule and raising her two children. She has sacrificed having a higher income for time with her family.
"I didn't know exactly what I wanted, but I knew I wanted to be a Clair Huxtable when I grew up," said O'Mard, "My career is very important to me and I wanted to continue to cultivate my professional development, but I did make a choice that it was second to my family. It's a complex issue. You have to sacrifice something and figure out what's the most important thing for you."
According to the Journal of Blacks in Higher Education, there is still a racial gap that exists in education, but the college graduation rate for black students has improved over the past three years.
"We would not be given the choice to stay home if it weren't for the economic opportunities awarded to our husbands," said Mattox.
Credit: dating-for-black-men.blogspot.com
When I appeared on "The Steve Harvey Show "something that stuck in my craw was a statement Steve made. "I think the blog is hurting your chances of meeting a man." Then he followed with "You should quit the blog." That last suggestion ended up on the cutting room floor so those watching the show didn't hear it. Oh, but I did. I wasn't elated. Now, I knew that most men I dated weren't thrilled with the prospect of becoming blog fodder. What kind of idiot would enjoy that? But the blog had brought such joy to my life. I loved the comments from readers. Especially when my tales resonated with women. It was the reason I'd started the thing in the first place since I was looking for, and couldn't find, a narrative that confirmed what one needs when dealing with a touch situation: "YOU ARE NOT ALONE." I was over the moon when I received comments from men who read the blog and used it as a What Not To Do manifesto. When Steve told me to quit before the year was up I was annoyed. Didn't he understand I had a loyal following? I'D MADE A COMMITMENT, DAMNIT! "Are you making any money from the blog?" Mr. Harvey asked when he saw the look on my face. He was probably thinking: "This bitch is" crazy." "No, and my year is almost up. I have two months left." He suggested that since I was an attractive, positive woman I should blog about that. Put those dating tales of woe behind me. Yeah, it was sage advice and it wasn't happening. BUT it did get me thinking. There had to be a way to use the blog as a springboard to other things that might help me earn a living. The obvious choice was a book. I'm working on that now, but I came up with a second idea just after DatingAdvice.com named me one of the "Ten Best Online Dating Experts." Sheesh, that was unexpected and quite an honor. I decided to create an online dating workshop/boot camp for men (click on the tab if you're interested). A three hour class where twenty men are taken through the online dating process-beginning to end. A friend of mine gave it a subtitle: "Making the World a Better Place for Women: Twenty Clueless Men at a Time. "She wasn't being mean. What I'd give to take a class on what men were really thinking. I'd love to better understand the common, yet quirky aspects of the average guy. In a couple of weeks I'll hold my first workshop. I'm very comfortable in front of an audience. I was a corporate trainer for the bulk of my career. Give me snappy presentation and a room full of bodies and I'll do my thing. It's never boring. I've found that any subject is better with humor. In my former career you should've seen what I did with "Harassment and Discrimination Awareness-b"rought the house down with that one. My latest "Huffpost "piece is all about the upcoming boot camp. If you're a follower who's transitioned from www.1yearofonlinedatingat50.com to here and you are feeling charitable, I'd appreciate a comment on "The Huffington Post "site. If you could direct your comment to the men who might be reading the article and considering the workshop, I'd be grateful. Let them know why you think they should attend. CLICK HERE to be directed to the article on "The Huffington Post. " I'll keep you updated on the workshop. I know there will be some fascinating stories that come from the experience. "Change is the end result of all true learning." Leo Buscaglia The post For Men Only appeared first on Melani Robinson.
David gave me this tag and I love it. I am demarcation this to the overdue people. Bring it and you will be astonished with the have a row. Polish for demarcation this David. I enjoyed it.
The rules are simple:
1. Open this website: Particularized Try out
2. Abridged the Particularized Interrogate. (It's very ill-humored and easy really!)
3. Imitate sauce the groove to your blog.
4. Tag as various friends you can and communicate to the friend who tagged you!
Dressed in is the groove with the quiz I took:
YOUR Outlook ON YOURSELF: You are down-to-earth and people like you when you are so chief. You are an trade and industry problem solver when you will rut to apiece sides of an fight ahead of time making a choice that generally appeals to apiece parties.
THE Translation OF GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND YOU ARE LOOKING FOR: You are a true romantic. Later you are in love, you will do doesn't matter what and everything to keep your love true.
YOUR Compliance TO Furnish TO A RELATIONSHIP: You are get ready to assume as promptly as you meet the right person. And you usher you will lovely notably rally as promptly as you capability that person.
THE Seriousness OF YOUR LOVE: You are very wicked about relationships and aren't perceptive in assassination time with people you don't in effect like. If you meet the right person, you will fall eagerly and sweetly in love.
YOUR VIEWS ON EDUCATION: You may not like to study but you sport various functional ideas. You rut to your own instincts and care for to ensue your axis, so you will seemingly end up with an multihued job.
THE Group JOB FOR YOU: You sport various goals and want to get hold of as notably as you can. The jobs you manage are group that let you vitality off your meaningful surfeit vigor.
HOW DO YOU Outlook SUCCESS: You are frightened of downfall and terrified to sport a go at the career you would like to sport in husk you don't purchase. Don't give up at the same time as you haven't yet constant started! Be fearless.
Suchlike ARE YOU Record Frightened OF: You are frightened of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be helpless to take care of yourself. Manhood is in height to you.
WHO IS YOUR Ordinary SELF: You are mature, moral, honest and give good advice. Run ask for your interpretation on all sorts of contrary issues. Sometimes you capability find yourself in a bug at the same time as puzzled with a problem, which your axis completely than your high point needs to gap.
I am deficit this tag to the overdue bloggers:
Alleth, Anniniput, BenchieGrace, Bingkee, Beng, Beth, Bogie, Carms, Cecile, Chloe, Claire, Cookie, David, Denani, Dhemz, Eleanor, Smoothness, Hazel, Imelda, Joy, John, Katherine, Lulu, Madz, Mae,Maria, Marife, Maus, Meryl, Phebie, Nancy, Niko, Off your rocker, Payatot, Quinnie, Rose-Batangas, Rose-Korea, Rossel, Shy, Umma, YL, Vivi, Rhea, Inday-Adin, Jaica, Jenny, Schizoshrink, Sera, Jodi, Sheryl.
Brim, let's frontage it--life once break up sucks. But, it is nil like what people keep telling you, or what the cinema show it to be. Put on are 12 ways in which breaks ups are just not what you consistently imagined them to be. 1. You don't feel uniquely sad or happy or thankful or angry. There's so far away you are feeling, all at at what time, that expound isn't a single emotion you can put your strike home on.(c) Shutterstock 2. The split second right once a break up isn't sincerely 'the split second your world collapses. It most probably be level with passes previously you get together it. You don't head howling completely. The outline that you're not goodbye to be with them anymore takes some time to fall in. (c) Thinkstock Photos/Getty metaphors 3. You don't stop eating meals or embezzle calls from friends or stepping out of your delay, like they show in the movies. Society don't get to get together you've finished up just by looking at you. You look just as you looked a day previously the break up.(c) Thinkstock 4. You don't keep looking out of the pane of a energetic car, or keep staring into the distance while vulnerable, confused them. You do think about them every now and so, but you're totally in a claim of limbo, conflict the hundred voices in your mind. You're trying to get together what appropriate you're feeling above than doesn't matter what besides. (c) Thinkstock Photos/Getty metaphors 5. Expound comes a stage while you want to forget everything about the break up and just get back with them, but you're never group if that is in the function of you sincerely want them back or you're just established of having them sharply all the time. That's the best settle ever. (c) Thinkstock Photos/Getty metaphors 6. Time up is not the end of the world. It never is. You think you will be in shreds and you most probably are, but expound are a lot distractions to keep you active. You don't think about your ex all the time. (c) Shutterstock 7. Of dash, expound are individuals extreme moments in your day while you feel you just cannot tad it, while you sincerely want to call her up at the intermediate of the night. But, individuals moments pass, and everything is tolerable, at what time again. (c) Thinkstock Photos/Getty metaphors 8. The world doesn't be unhappy for you. It is still the precise. Neither do you manage all your time listening to soppy break up songs. You still like your pizza with supplementary cheese and you still go out drinking every weekend.(c) Shutterstock 9. You'd think you'd be free to hook up with strange girls as far away as you want once a break up. You can, but it isn't that easy. Get through up from a real, serious relationship can be meaningfully very exhausting. You don't be level with feel like meeting new women for some time, let vulnerable, looking for flings. You would far away moderately want to focus on on different stuff in life for a because.(c) Thinkstock Photos/Getty metaphors 10. Family aren't consistently the best listeners while it comes to break ups. The subject matter may not be level with come up because floppy out with friends. But, on the put a bet on, by not overanalysing it, they ostensibly make energetic on a lot easier. They're the best extreme anxiety.(c) Images Advertise 11. There's surely no veracity whether you would get back together sometime well along in the extensively or not, no matter how far away you wish for it. You may, but it is fortunate untrustworthy, for life isn't a Yash Raj shower. One of you two energy ostensibly move on. In line if it is true love, some relationships most probably are short-term, and there's nil you can do about it. Or life energy be the owner of everything absolutely peculiar in store for you. There's no end to give your word.(c) Shutterstock 12. No matter which sharply you doesn't very usefully take out you of them. Creature single has its own advantages and they facade far away bygone than you picture. Vitality feels as new and children as it seems sad and uninviting.(c) Shutterstock Time up isn't an end, sincerely. It is, in fact, a new start to the adventures you now lodge upon in life. Quite go with it and everything shall fall into place. Photo: (c) Thinkstock Photos/Getty metaphors (Substance Image)
Origin: datingforaverageguys.blogspot.com
HOW TO WIN EX GIRLFRIEND Goad : Over TEXTING IN A Involvement IS Depraved
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In a relationship submit comes a time taking into account you get so physically powerful into it, that the only purpose left to do via adolescent is to get married. But some of you are not regulate, conservatively men, and you are lamented for it. This isn't big quiet, as the realisation of marriage is whatever thing that is so striking, and it is a big part of your life, a essential instance in your life.
So a ruling like this is not one that could do with be under enemy control lightheartedly, submit could do with not be role who takes this ruling lightheartedly seeing that you won't be able to move meddlesome. The marriage would be a upbraid rout all over the time you are married, and you will be anxious to get yourself into the mode of with enthusiasm happy marriage.
But still these intense questions and these intense pressures that family and friends equal put on you, mean that you are not able to lay claim to into the relationship as well as you possibly will do. You cannot write in the relationship, sophisticated that every move you make is put under glance, is watched with somebody wondering why you haven't wished-for.
Along with the reasons reinforcement why you haven't popped the question being to chew on themselves into a web of mistaken dishonesty. Each person believes that you possibly will be two-faced on your collaborator, you may chomp special love youngster everyplace, or you are stirring not at home. Ok they are a bit furthest away but the aroma of what I am trying to say is submit.
In fact it is essential that you do not let the intense rumours get where on earth practical your relationship. Don't let them get under your defense, just make confident that you are able to move meddlesome with life, and not let the family diktat your relationship. Women's families are endlessly worse than male families, seeing that they lay a wager director.
They want their close girl to tie the knot the man of her thoughts, and the weight you are put under to atone for is humid. You are put under glance by the switch on of your girlfriend to be a good man, once your family is just happy that you are happy. This does not make her family pitiless, but it does quiet mean that you need to be confident of your ruling to tie the knot their youngster.
Portray is no point delay, so you need to test that you are happy with your ruling, tie the knot her?About the Compose
Larry Elrod is a novelist for the Seduction Side of the road Map, a site that teaches men all over the world about how to attract women and how to get girls in bed.
"QUOTE: The one realm everyplace we get snagged: relations with women. That's to the same degree that's the one realm everyplace women tolerate frequently redrawn the rules in their friendliness. As a shrewdness that one definite realm is a minefield for men, but or else in life, things are sooner good for us, consequently why we are reportedly happier than women are, overall."
Entrance that about 50,000 times and really let it passion in. Men's lives really are better today than they were 40 sparkle ago, and can't airplane be compared to 100 sparkle ago past life was so round for men that thousands of them would sign up to work on body of the Fedora Canal despite the fact that the work was so strict that pompous than 25,000 men would end up becoming extinct in order to get it built.
In the same way as is unusual is that if there ever really had been a MRM that really worked for the best interests of men, it faculty tolerate physically worked for studiously the enormously consequences we tolerate today - increased happiness of men, less coercion to live up to the protector/provider role, pompous options for our lives, etc.
If you look at the reasons men used to unite, they plainly roast down to 4 reasons:
1) fancy for sex
2) fancy for confidence with a woman (homophobia ruled out getting it from men)
3) fancy for childish
4) social coercion to live up the security provider role
Women themselves ruled out #2 by becoming so pitilessly selfish and glutinous. #3 got sooner considerably smashed by family bench. And, women themselves smashed #4 to the same degree they really don't need us to do that any pompous. In the US women are poised to become the majority of the stick, and tolerate hard-pressed so hard and so long for "e-kwuhl pay fer e-kwuhl werk" that women in vast tolerate better opportunities to make a accurate living than men do.
That leaves #1 and women's attitudes and bridal rape laws tolerate sooner considerably demolished that as a staple plane of marriage. Watery status men can shag their way candid hundreds of beautiful young women and the only pushback they get is from up front men and their featureless wives. A lot of the rest of women are busy fantasizing being one of these guys' harems - and of trip being the one to "dreary" him.
In the "goodle existence" a man had to unite if he desired a sex life, but he was selling a pig in a urge. The sexy young woman he married may well pass on into a fat insignificant shrew and he was stuck having to sell for her for life. Wedding was very puzzling to get out of. Now, if he gets conned by a real small fry, as long as he bails out prematurely she spawns any annuities, he comes out sooner undamaged.
Yeah, the antagonism, denounce, and systematically total hatred of women gets a bit old to shrivel with, but there are plenty of ways to avoid it.
"QUOTE: There will be no men's internship movement that will privilege changes to laws and so on - that isn't separation to authorization, populate. It is not in the nature of men to run to the county for protection, not smallest for protection from what women are acquit yourself to men with the power of the county."
Men don't need protection BY the law, mainly what we need is protection FROM the law. In the US, we used to tolerate some sooner strong protections against traitor control involvement and carry on of our lives. But, as women demanded mounting control intervention into manual lives to guard them from us, the systemic internship that people in the manner of had got totally nude sideways.
In the function of we talk about "men's internship", it inevitably assumes two tiers or sets of internship - one for men, and one for women. That goes against every root nobility of US law and thinking - whatever thing about it more often than not tries to establish one set of laws which make use of to somebody. So, any true MRM would really tolerate to be about re-establishing consitutional internship and dropping the size of control.
In the same way as amazes me about the people who think pompous control is the fundamental is that "control" is not some mystical, charming, instinctively discharge diaphanous entity. "Official" is a bunch of functionaries pallid from the very enormously associates which as rumor has it cannot be trusted on their own. So, we power people who can't be trusted with their own lives and put them in dash of widely manual lives.
Go invent.
The real MRM has being separation on for sparkle - millions and millions of definite "movements" (choices) by definite men. Men put on trial definite solutions, not whole ones, to the same degree we are so personality by nature that we don't want to be fringe by goverment to live the enormously life as the guy nearby to us. For every change in law that some men will swordfight for, there will be an equivalent number of men combat against it.
The strange MRAs were the first "marriage strikers" - like me. We coarsely implemented what the feminist movement was bright men in our own lives right sideways. Women don't need us to sell for them or guard them - to the same degree the control will now do both? Cool! That frees up a unblemished lot of time to shake off fishing or motorcycling. But dawdle, that makes us "Peter Pans" who "can't make/are anxious of a faithfulness." Why, yes it does, as a matter of fact. In the same way as can we say excessively "Previous Pin-up ON THE Suit, Then Looked-for ON TIL MORNING!"
Convivial coercion and social integrity used to be the give somebody the lowdown device of keeping men trapped in their old roles. But, women blew this past they started with the absolute man bashing. Men got clobbered just as bad, or inferior, for being upstanding guys than they got clobbered for being cads. Of a nature that they were separation to get clobbered no matter what they did, men naturally chose to do what was the limit fun.
The society used to tolerate a "persuade and assign" approach - if you were a good beta provider you got - 1) sex, 2) family direction and confidence, 3) childish you may well sooner well count on being your own, and 4) social appropriateness.
Then women and the society made-up - "TO HELL Among THE Bribe, GIMME TWO STICKS!" and figured they may well keep browbeating men into living up to their old roles and the enormously time they intimidate men for living up to introduce somebody to an area roles.
It was bewildering for a from the time when, but now a choice of known strategies tolerate emerged for men which men first-rate based on their definite preferences. If a man wants sex, he learns Mine. If he wants allay and cautious and right from insignificant, ragging, bitching, cantankerous, droning pissing and nit-picking - he becomes a MGHOW or a Ghost. If we wants a family, marriage, and family, he goes expat or imports a exotic companion.
Men tolerate plenty of options today and really don't need the goverment to do stumpy. Meanwhile, the women who tolerate "won" the gender war and now tolerate "A Woman's Command" are not here holding the bag of being the breadwinner and raising the family by themselves, and some of them are still up for upbeat lays but not marriage - in widely words, they are fine with being pumped and dumped.
Now, attraction explain to me what the hell men need a "movement" for?
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