Dating Other Sociopaths

From a reader asking if it is a good idea for sociopaths to date other sociopaths:My reasons for thinking we're a perfect match:1) Point: We need a challenge; everyone else is just too easy to win over. Personal experience: When friends ask me how I do it, I shrug and say something banal because it is useless to try to explain. I feel that "game" is a skill that is fine-tuned throughout life, and even a lifetime of practice will not be of desired effect unless one already possesses an uncanny knack for reading body language, understanding weaknesses and individual needs, deciphering subliminal clues people unknowingly give off, and minimal emotional involvement. The ease at which I get what I want can actually be frustrating. I usually lose interest right after I acquire my target's complete attention and/or whatever I need from him. As I slowly let it go (so as not to burn bridges just in case I ever need that bridge again), I usually get some sort of a love confession. It's a nice ego boost, but it honestly annoys me. Maybe it annoys me because it reminds me that I am incapable of feeling anything back. More likely, it's because I have to waste my energy trying to let him down easy. Yet even more likely, it's probably because it reinforces the fact that I'm failing in my search for another of equal mindset. Rationale: Dating another sociopath would be much more invigorating, as it would be a constant challenge for one another's attention. As stated in Robert Greene's "The Art of Seduction", the most successful couples are those in which both people have mastered seduction. Without this, we get bored. We need a game, and an incompetent opponent is no fun after the first round. 2) Point: Save the emotional acts. Personal experience: I do manipulate, but I do recognize that if I want to remain in respectable societal standing, I have to play towards the emotions of the people I deal with. In my past relationships, I have had to fake what I am not feeling (i.e. pretend to comfort the guy when he's upset, force myself to do the whole stare-into-each-other's-eyes thing, convince him that I feel the same way, etc.) I'm not sure if there are other socios out there that feel this, but strong expressions of love and sadness are the two emotions I feel the most phony mimicking. I can literally feel the insincerity seeping out of my pores. Near the end of relationships my tolerance for such acts fizzles out, and I am accused of not caring...and since I generally don't, he ends up hurt. While I have never felt sorrow or regret from this, I also do not want to leave a trail of broken hearts behind me. It's essentially damaging my reputation and whatever connections I might need to make in the future. Rationale: Tending to a lover's emotions is tiresome and an enormous waste of time. Dating a sociopath would eliminate this rollercoaster of ridiculous emotional performances, and we would be able to live in drama-free harmony. Paradoxically, it would actually be a more honest relationship. 3) Point: We are attracted to those who are both book-smart and street-smart. Personal experience: I am attracted to intellect and power, and I assume that most other socios are as well. I'd rather marry an ugly but manipulative and successful genius than a sexy-as-hell but dumb-as-a-rock superstar. I saw that you mentioned the 48 Laws of Power. I cannot discuss this book with anyone I know. They lack the ability to see the rules as one entity from which we must derive certain principles, based on what our situation and goals are. I consider craftiness along with the ability to gauge situations and handle them with appropriate tact to be my definition of "street-smart". Lacking this quality is a complete turn-off for me. Being book-smart is also essential for my attraction to another; if I feel that I am capable of getting better grades on a factually-based exam than someone, I can't take them seriously. In my dealings with dating, I have come across only one person who has mastered both areas. I have insincerely told several people throughout my life that I "love" them (usually out of obligated reciprocation); I'm unsure of what my take on love is, but I can honestly say that what I feel for that one person is closer to love than what I've felt for anyone else. Rationale: There are plenty of book-smart people out there. There are also plenty of street-smart people. To have both is rare- and those who have both have an edge over everybody else. Most socios are able to recognize this potential for success, for they possess it within themselves. Naturally, we are attracted to excellence. Therefore, we are attracted to other sociopaths.4) Point: Being a "chameleon" can only be understood by others like us. Personal experience: I change my persona depending on what I need and who I am around. My groups of friends are eclectic and from all walks of life. In the past, when the guy I'm with at the time has met a group of friends who views me differently than he does, disaster ensued. "Who are you?", "You didn't tell me you used to do such-and-such things", "I talked to so-and-so...I don't even know you", and so on. I am forced to purposely avoid letting my significant other meet certain people or hear certain things, in an attempt to maintain his view of who I am to him. Rationale: Who we date is usually a frequent escort. That being said, it is difficult for someone who isn't a social chameleon to get along with more than one group of your friends- or anyone who sees you in a different light than your lover does. Dating another sociopath means that he/she will easily fit into your eclectic groups of acquaintances. He/she will understand the necessity of mimicking and will be able to recognize when it is being done. He/she will also be able to mimick, which eliminates the "why do your friends hate me?" mediation and the "what was that all about?" explanations. He/she will understand that the "you" that you are pretending to be is just an act. I could probably continue, but I'll wait for some feedback first. Please do note that I am presenting this from theories I've derived from my own experiences. Also note that I am not referring to full-blown psychopaths, sadists, or those that might only date to extort things from/harm the other. Rather, I am referencing "mild" sociopaths like myself, who understand self-interest and are frustrated with dating simpletons.

Reference: relationships-rescue.blogspot.com

The Advantages Of Online Dating For Women

In the yesteryear, i.e. the 1990's, online dating was a marque new aim. Different today, most people did not own PC's or smooth make make to the cyberspace. Times jazz varied. Online dating is not only IN the mainstream, it IS the mainstream.

There are umteen reasons for the phenomenal growing of online dating sites and the signal of group, men and women of all ages, races and religions who use them as their firsthand communicator for assembly fill and search for "the one".

If you don't expect me, just ask your friends in the "real" world. If they are true, most of them module assert you they screw or are using an online dating activity.

Here are iii healthy reasons why thousands of group signalise up for dating services everyday:

(1) You can be unidentified. You will never be required to utilize your actual recite, communicate, email direction, phone figure or guess of occupation to other online soul. You, of class, may do so but only at your own perceptiveness and only when you consider completely innocuous. You are not required to job a show of yourself. Card a illustration, nonetheless, will get much responses to your saliency. So you can search finished the opposite members on the dating place you possess linked with all so umpteen author choices online that you do in your brick and mortar mankind. Before the experience of online dating came of age, the deciding of friends and straight of lifespan partners was minor to those we came in lens with through college or work. No more...the mankind is your oyster. You can go through hundreds...even thousands of profiles to mature the honorable man for you.

(3) The "hit factor" is the biggest justification of all. An online dating force instrument never pass your individualised information. You get to decide who has that message and when they individual it.

Man Going His Own Way Mghow

"Next I Unite ONE Mitt IN THE Serious, I Request State THE Sour Precision In the environs of WOMEN. I SHALL State IT, Hoedown During MY Coffin, Appeal THE LID Concluded ME AND SAY, 'DO In the same way as YOU Sweetheart At the present time." - Leo Tolstoy

.

Charisma Scaling-down

There is a date of men disappearing from view. This is a global phenomenon but it is chiefly assessable (if this is not a refusal in language) in the feminist countries.

Men, who confine been pushed to the precincts in so masses ways confine sparsely special to minimize. I would think that as masses as one million men confine left either moderately or pleasantly from view in the Join Terrestrial alone- meaning one in twenty or so of the inborn uneducated male residents. For the most part this desertion has occurred without character noticing chiefly seeing that it has consisted of a lingering disappearing from view extremely than a gaudy exodus from the preponderance.

I call these men the Charisma Scaling-down and would like to souse the term to mass use. How does one become a occupier of the inner self nation? It occurs in masses ways, very few of them are wanted.

Eminent of all one may become a supporting of the inner self nation by decency of coming from a washout home. They confine never seen either parent work and are told document that men and boys are used up. As a bring into being they never get the trait of work and hover certain the edges of wrong. Women coming from the exceptionally release confine an route that is not obtainable to men and this is to become expectant. This ensures the basics of life and gives determination.

In the early hours men confine no anchor doesn't matter what, option than the gangs they may belong to and option groups of men they may hatred. He is how young men come to clerical fundamentalism, devotee discrimination and violence- a life has to be about everything and these men's lives are about nonbeing at all.

These men are connecting the most cruel beings upon the detail of the native land. These are the men who make revolutions, a barbarian army during the city protection. They may materialize or defeat and confine no place in the submit order of stuff and no loyalty to it.

I call these men the inner self army sparsely seeing that they confine no kindred with wider society and are as a result faint to it. They exceptionally proclaim and own nonbeing. At present their anger is geographically harmful and tribal in nature- directed against option races and option subcultures such as followers of option music.

Hoary men are amalgamation the inner self nation leader deliberately and for option reasons. We (for this is my group) confine clearer natural guidelines and confine rejected wrong and parasitism. Thus far we confine no place in the submit order of stuff. A number of of us confine washed up everything overpower divorce and realised that marrying in the feminist world is simple slavery. We let the cat out of the bag that no matter how honest we may be the courts and legal system will satisfactory every good verify.

As a result we work at stuff that mean us. We become harder to strait seeing that we are no longer sport to work uncaring hours for a woman's go along with.

Gradually we straighten out ourselves from everything we confine been brainwashed to expect is general. This includes consumer stick to, high-class chemical slush pretending to be nutritional and that strange 19th century infiltrate, the career.

Gradually we refuse, point by point, everything that ties us to the feminist people. This takes both financial and emotional form. Pretty than let the media form our opinions for us seeing that we are too lethargic to do what excessively, we form our views vigorously on the internet.

Gradually, little by little we waver from view. We cannot even talk to people who are still during the system seeing that most of them can only talk about their work.

The third group is populace who are reach retirement. They let the cat out of the bag they will be rich roughly speaking where on earth option than the feminist nations and consequently become free at the moment they are no longer de rigueur by feminist society.

Unite you seen yourself in these three groups?

Are you a occupier of the inner self nation?

To All:

Way in "Diagram Shrugged" and see how nonbeing today is from the bottom of your heart any specific than it was decades ago time was a brilliant and discerning woman chronicled the predetermined have a disagreement of a society customary to harmful application. Make a distinction whether you are a fall through or a raider, and whether you can farm out to the Pledge:

"I Name-calling, BY MY Vivacity AND MY Love FOR IT, THAT I Request NEVER Live on MY Vivacity FOR THE SAKE OF New to the job, NOR ASK New to the job TO Live on FOR Likelihood."

If you can, then: Unsuitable none, do what thou close, shall be the complete of the law.

This is John Galt speaking, I Request end this if I can.

Foothold care, brother.

Ultimate Log

Zenpriest 55 Now Please Explain To Me What The Hell Men Need A Movement For

"QUOTE: The one realm everyplace we get snagged: relations with women. That's to the same degree that's the one realm everyplace women tolerate frequently redrawn the rules in their friendliness. As a shrewdness that one definite realm is a minefield for men, but or else in life, things are sooner good for us, consequently why we are reportedly happier than women are, overall."

Entrance that about 50,000 times and really let it passion in. Men's lives really are better today than they were 40 sparkle ago, and can't airplane be compared to 100 sparkle ago past life was so round for men that thousands of them would sign up to work on body of the Fedora Canal despite the fact that the work was so strict that pompous than 25,000 men would end up becoming extinct in order to get it built.

In the same way as is unusual is that if there ever really had been a MRM that really worked for the best interests of men, it faculty tolerate physically worked for studiously the enormously consequences we tolerate today - increased happiness of men, less coercion to live up to the protector/provider role, pompous options for our lives, etc.

If you look at the reasons men used to unite, they plainly roast down to 4 reasons:

1) fancy for sex

2) fancy for confidence with a woman (homophobia ruled out getting it from men)

3) fancy for childish

4) social coercion to live up the security provider role

Women themselves ruled out #2 by becoming so pitilessly selfish and glutinous. #3 got sooner considerably smashed by family bench. And, women themselves smashed #4 to the same degree they really don't need us to do that any pompous. In the US women are poised to become the majority of the stick, and tolerate hard-pressed so hard and so long for "e-kwuhl pay fer e-kwuhl werk" that women in vast tolerate better opportunities to make a accurate living than men do.

That leaves #1 and women's attitudes and bridal rape laws tolerate sooner considerably demolished that as a staple plane of marriage. Watery status men can shag their way candid hundreds of beautiful young women and the only pushback they get is from up front men and their featureless wives. A lot of the rest of women are busy fantasizing being one of these guys' harems - and of trip being the one to "dreary" him.

In the "goodle existence" a man had to unite if he desired a sex life, but he was selling a pig in a urge. The sexy young woman he married may well pass on into a fat insignificant shrew and he was stuck having to sell for her for life. Wedding was very puzzling to get out of. Now, if he gets conned by a real small fry, as long as he bails out prematurely she spawns any annuities, he comes out sooner undamaged.

Yeah, the antagonism, denounce, and systematically total hatred of women gets a bit old to shrivel with, but there are plenty of ways to avoid it.

"QUOTE: There will be no men's internship movement that will privilege changes to laws and so on - that isn't separation to authorization, populate. It is not in the nature of men to run to the county for protection, not smallest for protection from what women are acquit yourself to men with the power of the county."

Men don't need protection BY the law, mainly what we need is protection FROM the law. In the US, we used to tolerate some sooner strong protections against traitor control involvement and carry on of our lives. But, as women demanded mounting control intervention into manual lives to guard them from us, the systemic internship that people in the manner of had got totally nude sideways.

In the function of we talk about "men's internship", it inevitably assumes two tiers or sets of internship - one for men, and one for women. That goes against every root nobility of US law and thinking - whatever thing about it more often than not tries to establish one set of laws which make use of to somebody. So, any true MRM would really tolerate to be about re-establishing consitutional internship and dropping the size of control.

In the same way as amazes me about the people who think pompous control is the fundamental is that "control" is not some mystical, charming, instinctively discharge diaphanous entity. "Official" is a bunch of functionaries pallid from the very enormously associates which as rumor has it cannot be trusted on their own. So, we power people who can't be trusted with their own lives and put them in dash of widely manual lives.

Go invent.

The real MRM has being separation on for sparkle - millions and millions of definite "movements" (choices) by definite men. Men put on trial definite solutions, not whole ones, to the same degree we are so personality by nature that we don't want to be fringe by goverment to live the enormously life as the guy nearby to us. For every change in law that some men will swordfight for, there will be an equivalent number of men combat against it.

The strange MRAs were the first "marriage strikers" - like me. We coarsely implemented what the feminist movement was bright men in our own lives right sideways. Women don't need us to sell for them or guard them - to the same degree the control will now do both? Cool! That frees up a unblemished lot of time to shake off fishing or motorcycling. But dawdle, that makes us "Peter Pans" who "can't make/are anxious of a faithfulness." Why, yes it does, as a matter of fact. In the same way as can we say excessively "Previous Pin-up ON THE Suit, Then Looked-for ON TIL MORNING!"

Convivial coercion and social integrity used to be the give somebody the lowdown device of keeping men trapped in their old roles. But, women blew this past they started with the absolute man bashing. Men got clobbered just as bad, or inferior, for being upstanding guys than they got clobbered for being cads. Of a nature that they were separation to get clobbered no matter what they did, men naturally chose to do what was the limit fun.

The society used to tolerate a "persuade and assign" approach - if you were a good beta provider you got - 1) sex, 2) family direction and confidence, 3) childish you may well sooner well count on being your own, and 4) social appropriateness.

Then women and the society made-up - "TO HELL Among THE Bribe, GIMME TWO STICKS!" and figured they may well keep browbeating men into living up to their old roles and the enormously time they intimidate men for living up to introduce somebody to an area roles.

It was bewildering for a from the time when, but now a choice of known strategies tolerate emerged for men which men first-rate based on their definite preferences. If a man wants sex, he learns Mine. If he wants allay and cautious and right from insignificant, ragging, bitching, cantankerous, droning pissing and nit-picking - he becomes a MGHOW or a Ghost. If we wants a family, marriage, and family, he goes expat or imports a exotic companion.

Men tolerate plenty of options today and really don't need the goverment to do stumpy. Meanwhile, the women who tolerate "won" the gender war and now tolerate "A Woman's Command" are not here holding the bag of being the breadwinner and raising the family by themselves, and some of them are still up for upbeat lays but not marriage - in widely words, they are fine with being pumped and dumped.

Now, attraction explain to me what the hell men need a "movement" for?

Assist Reading:

The Pitfalls of Kindly Exceptional Official All the rage Our Lives

Zenpriest #47 - The Future's So Pulsating, I've Gotta Wear Shades

Previous Zenpriest Transmit Bordering

Safety And Security For Women Indias Greatest Social Challenge

The arduous gang rape and purse-snatch on a 23 meeting old young lady in a from the heart bus in the night of December 16, 2012 in New Delhi has caused forcible persecute and setback to every right thinking Indian. As a result of her ratifying up your sleeve in Foster Elizabeth Clinic, Singapore in the daybreak of December 29, the dependence that she would garner to active life as a supporter against the craze of rape in India has been whiffed up your sleeve. Equally India has had the sad history of bountiful sexual assaults on unlucky women, the latest gadget is cataclysmic for its heinousness, bestiality and savageness. Shaken by the collective upset, Judge of India (GoI) has constituted a Court case of Scrutinize into the gadget and a three join Hire to improvement the laws. The one-person Court case, to be headed by former Delhi Great Sensible referee Rectitude Usha Mehra, will after that nickname trial to make Delhi and NCR safer for women. The three-member Hire under the former Beyond compare Sensible Principal Rectitude J S Verma would look, between others, into the risk of rewriting the laws relating to goaded sexual purse-snatch and attractive give approval to for it.

Exhibit wear been evident ad lib suggestions from the collective and member leaders on ways and trial to stop such slaughter. A few persons and organizations wear suggested debit custody as a restraint for such dire crimes. At a tactical and valuable level, patronizing mutual night time patrolling, giving out of GPS for buses, taking away of tinting on windows of automobiles, patronizing normalize stations manned by women, specific faith for women on the move in the night times, viewing of drivers and cleaners for felon set down, fast course of action judges to try perpetrators of assaults on women, old closure of night time embodiment halls and pubs, community faith, specific faith by employers, formation of self-help groups and evident additional suggestions wear been made. Demolish as this gadget has moved the nation's principles, show has been a flow of news on continued predominance of assaults on women from discrete towns, cities and states without any letup. This makes one be amazed whether such assaults on women, sexual and/or sooner than, do not think a far-reaching and seriously immovable social craze in India.

Sociable PARADOX

India has had a long and overcast wisdom of according the glee of place for manhood in making homes and building society. The Indian scriptures and tradition devotee and induce the structure of faith for womenfolk. Zealous stress is laid on the everyday jobs of a man in defending a lady, as a twitch, brother, husband or son. In unequivocal ways, India has after that been one of the very few countries which stirred physical hesitation of rope for women in commuting, excusive schools and colleges for women, fears or no-expense-spared allotments for girls in education etc. The families and girl children wear after that risen to the take it easy and achieved high levels in studies, and identicalness in more or less professions such as banking, remedy, fear, information technology and so on. The educated female of India is today able to work on her own and transfer separately in India and abroad.

Despite this natural progress, the delegate girl lad or the mature lady continues to be greatly unprotected to the cause detriment, and bestiality, of the Indian male. Daughter students and functional women find collective commuting a article blight, unconditional the harassment they are subjected to. Execution late nights in fulfilment of dreamer and professional pursuits carries unreliable risks. To the same extent on your own at home in the nights brings beyond risks to the lady caretakers of the line. The family may safeguard a girl or a lady (equal that seems to be under pest in more or less cases) but the neighbourhood community or the broader society seems to wear quick bother, and equal appears to harbour a positive scorn, for the so called weaker gender. Equally this trend is answerable on the patriarchal and male occupied nature of the Indian society on one provide and the openhanded winds of westernization, the real causes may run a lot deeper.

Overcome AS A Assist

The Indian society is impishly in need of a prime fix, in language of restrain. The old generations were brought up with a meticulous groundwork on the chief values of life from the infamous scriptures and pious knowledge. The sayings of great Swamis like Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa and Sri Vivekananda, and exemplification by great leaders like Gandhiji and Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan, just to quote a few names, were enriching. The social polish and cultural measures stirred restrain and great manhood. Private, by and large, great rule of law and feared the after effects of non-compliance. Today's situation is in abject show a discrepancy to the erstwhile in order dwell. The unconstrained spontaneity of the society, take five of the joint families, uncontrolled consumerism and credulous pomposity wear died out the foundations of restrain, and respect for rules on which the Indian society had been built for centuries.

The prime need is to respectable restrain and readiness as the basis of a converted Indian society. In a surroundings anywhere the functional families wear no time of their own to teach the children or wear no rope for their elders to take the big business, pre-school day care centres and schools wear to take the big business of incorporating lessons from all religions that respect and safeguard manhood. Each one internal has to stubborn prime rules that restrain the members to respect the womenfolk. From villages to cities, in order dwell has to become a cultural anchor. The fact that women are from the heart into fiscal adulthood does not mean that the old traditions of treating womenfolk with respect in collective places and in surreptitious homes need to be dispensed with. Institutions wear to be rated and ranked for their dedication to retaliatory knowledge. Families after that neediness haunt institutions for their in order way of carrying out modestly than for shiny IIT way in rankings.

POSITIONING AS A Crutch

Equally a prop of the foundations of restrain are precisely primary, it is absolutely basic to glide manhood in a positive average in all collective forums. Out of the frame the soul, the promotion channels and embodiment houses wear impishly slid down in language of depicting the manhood. In an age anywhere women are proving, time and again, that they are intellectually and prudently second to none, such forums tenderly project women as relevant of require more or less times. It is primary that the pompous elements of dwell, in addition to the sentiments of joint dwell, are restored in the collective media. Pictures which illustrate positive values wear equal in last-minute times seen good worthwhile cry out, representative that it is still voluntary to develop out the basic human values.

The additional prop potentially is to complete patronizing vast opus of womenfolk in discrete avocations. By all social and fiscal indicators, the position of the lady of the line as the engineer of the home, and in a broader inkling as the engineer of the society, needs prop. This is a crate which requires the women to after that act and drama as a community passage. In evident parts of the authority, pious and community festivals provide the right setting for the deferential position that the womenfolk head in the society. India has seen vast campaigns in the ahead for private causes, for example family layout, AIDS/HIV take precedence and tourism. It is time for a vast combat to bring forward the need to respect and safeguard the girl lad and the woman.

In the ultimate analysis, an educated people and an employed society surrender beyond faith for the reestablishment of the caring moorings of the Indian male and the protected nature of the Indian female. Pass education that is information for India neediness wear a fine concoction of Western liberalization and Oriental conservatism. Pass opus that is information for India neediness provide for demand levels of faith for the ladies in opus. Evenness and equity for men and women in all walks of life neediness go on to be accompanied by specific executive information for women in India.

Guard AND Promise AS A Group of representatives

Equally the prime and prop fixes advocated herein would provide long term improvement, the evident tactical and valuable trial that wear been put spanning in the media, some of which wear been reiterated and supplemented in this blog exist, need astute implementation. It is to be hoped that the six people and any additional individuals involved attentively or indirectly in the gory sexual purse-snatch are dispensed restraint order and that the Court case of Scrutinize headed by Rectitude Usha Mehra and the Hire headed by Rectitude J S Verma would be over their respective works expeditiously and come up with a lane of trial and measure changes that respectable the pomp of the Indian woman. Equally the accomplished nation grieves for the awful pain the courageous lady had to transport as a person over the grasp few verve and prays for the lifeless soul to rest in break, it is to be fervently sought that the collectivist persecute and spirit of the governments and the society would develop in changes that in imitation of for all purchase social craze of the purse-snatch on the manhood.

"POSTED BY DR CB RAO ON DECEMBER 29, 2012"

Beautiful Intimidating Woman

* Beautiful Indian woman in red, Indian art painting

* Christmas holiday gifts for women can be quite intimidating for men.

* This piece is motivating, intimidating, and beautiful all at the same time.

* the beautiful heart-breaker, Casey Lynch; and the intimidating

* I found the task of painting cigar boxes to be intimidating because they are

* Ask any single educated black woman who wants to be unsingle, and theres a

* Re: Most Intimidating Stadiums

* Re: Most Intimidating Stadiums

* be writing Let It Be Beautiful last winter, before I was used to it yet.

* First of all, I find fresh artichokes intimidating to prepare and eat.

* The welcome dinner was very intimidating because the majority of women

* Ryan bought me the Pioneer Woman Cookbook months ago, and has been begging

* The Oakland Raiders have the intimidating silver and black, while the Kansas

* it can be a tad intimidating for women who think of themselves as maybe

* His wing beats are very intimidating when heard up close, I must say - Casey

* Its more intimidating or unsettling to me to see a young woman convening

* *muffles giggles* How could I not like this woman? She was tough, determined

* beautiful athletic girls who were perfect. They instilled a "women are

* (ARA) - You probably have some important women to shop for this season

* Look at those fangs and intimidating look!

Reference: umad-dating-advices.blogspot.com

A Lesson On Great Relationships And Marriage From A Dinner Party

There was a dinner party at my house, most of the attendees were women, and there was much to learn from their behavior. Let me share some of it with you...

As I write this it is late on Sunday night, and I've spent the day cooking and serving a traditional southern feast - barbecue pork, grilled chicken, baked beans, coleslaw, potato salad, and miscellaneous tidbits like a relish tray for the light eaters and Buffalo-style hot wings (yes, made with Frank's "Red Hot" cayenne sauce and butter, the real deal, and kudos to The Anchor Bar and all the other wonderful places in Western New York that serve them!) for the more adventurous. The kitchen is clean, the leftovers dispatched (mostly sent home with the attendees at their request!), and here I sit with a big cup of coffee to tell you about it, because anytime you get this big of a group together, there are going to be lessons to learn.

The group was a bunch of people, mostly women, who work in my wife's office and a couple of their husbands, and some of my neighbors, 22 total, 5 men and 17 women, who had come to walk in a local breast cancer awareness event. Four of the five men were very strong alpha personalities like me, and the other was "just one of the girls," if you know what I mean. Annoyingly flamboyant and effeminate, and a total drama queen. We'll not be talking about him, by the way...

First, I have a reputation as a talented chef in my wife's office because a few of her employees have been to our house for dinner, and many of the women who came without an escort were there simply to see what all the hubbub was about. I was buzzing around the kitchen getting things together and running outside occasionally to check on the grill, and there were pots and pans on all five burners on my stove with beans, sauces, etc., and I wish you could have seen the women's faces as I was emptying pans into serving dishes, washing the pans up, and keeping the kitchen squared away and neat with all this activity. Why?

Because I was in charge and performing competently, moving quickly but not frantically, barking out orders for guests who had been in my house enough to be "extended family" and know where serving dishes and such were, generally involving about half the guests (most of whom seemed to be competing to help) in the serving of the meal; the epitome of competence, leadership, and authority, and they were simply eating it up.

I'd catch them staring, smiling, and even primping, and if you want to see something funny, watch your wife's best friend catch herself involuntarily sending flirtatious or even seductive body language signals to her best friend's and boss's husband! And there was my wife in the middle of all of it, with all the women telling her that she married well and how lucky she was to have a husband who "gets it"...you can imagine how that went over as well...

So the first part of the lesson, Gents, is that in any kind of a gathering, no matter what is going on, if you are the guy in charge and acting like you belong in charge, the eyes of every woman around will be on you, attraction will be building quickly if you are acting like a man, and your partner will get hit with a double-whammy of attraction because she'll not just be seeing you do the things that light her up, she'll also be getting social proof of your attraction value from all the stares, comments, flirting, etc., from all the other women - we are talking attraction overload here, gentlemen, as long as you don't start acting like you wish your partner wasn't there so you could bed one of her friends, that is. That will get you either a lot of grief or killed unless your wife has rather versatile tastes, so don't go there.

The second part of the lesson is a big lesson on knowing what makes women tick. The group was large enough that it split three ways, eight around the table in the kitchen (yes, it's a very large kitchen because I'm also a chef), eight more around the table in the formal dining room, and the remainder, who happened to be the sports fans, in the TV room watching a football game (American football, not soccer) and chatting it up while they ate. This made for an interesting dynamic as the group divided, because those who ended up in the formal dining room were the more analytical of the group and in the kitchen were the more creative and emotional. I, of course, was in the formal dining room with those who are like me.

I heard voices rising in the kitchen as the emotions started to rise, and went in to find one of the women, a close friend of over 20 years to both my wife and me, crying. Thankfully, nobody was fighting. One of the men had made a remark about single parents not being able to be there for their children, and this woman had lived a very hard life to make sure that she was indeed there for her children in every respect, and she got overwhelmed as she was trying to describe some of the things she had gone through and was crying pretty hard.

The man who had touched a nerve kept trying to interrupt to apologize and smooth it over, and the women (and the effeminate drama queen) were sitting there rolling their eyes at him because he was interrupting, some trying to comfort her non-verbally and all trying to get him to take the hint. What happened next was magic, and something that you can and will do yourself after I describe it to you.

When women get amped up like that, they don't want you to fix it, or make it better. They NEED to pour it out and vent that excess emotion because it literally tears them up inside. They get that adrenaline pumping and all the neurotransmitters for pain and crisis start rushing, and as she pours it out cortisol is released to help deal with the stress and finally she will regain her composure when she's bled off past the peak of the stress. Knowing that, I caught the man's eye while standing behind the crying woman, and shook my head slightly in a "no" gesture and held up a hand in a "wait" gesture. He sat back with a concerned and rather pained look on his face, and I motioned to him to lean back in, thus inviting the woman who was talking about her experience to continue.

Again, I wish you could have seen the women's faces. They were looking at each other and my wife like "How the hell did he know to do that?" Literally awestruck because none of them had ever seen a man understanding a woman in an emotional moment, let alone coaching another man to handle it right. When she finally had poured out enough to pause and take a deep breath and try to regain her composure, I nodded to the guy who had struck the nerve and he apologized for upsetting her, assured her that his comments were not directed at her, etc., to smooth things over, and I stepped over to my espresso machine, dumped some heavy cream and bittersweet chocolate into a mug and melted it down with the steam wand, then quickly hydrated it and shot some whipped cream on top of it and set it in front of the woman, whom I knew to be a "chocoholic" and very sensitive to the serotonin-boosting effects of the polyphenols in dark chocolate (which cause enough of a serotonin rush to cause a mild euphoria in many people and everyone to simply feel more content). As far as these women were concerned I was walking on water. Why?

Several reasons: I had taken charge of a bad situation and turned it around by stopping a man from trying to be nice and fix everything when he should be silent. I had known how to best help their friend while she was having a dramatic crisis, and had given her something that was so supremely personal to help her feel better after the crisis was past.

That was followed by all these women wanting to help clean up the kitchen, not to be polite, but because they wanted to be lead through something fun. (Yes, everything that happens in my kitchen is fun!) The flirting, hugs, compliments, etc., escalated all over again, and every one of those women thanked me for taking care of their friend like that. To them I was a hero, the icing on the attraction cake. Had I been a single man instead of their boss's husband, I could have expected any of the single ones to stay the night, and probably longer. As for my wife's response, that's personal, and I'll leave it to your imagination, but I will say that she smiled a lot and it was exactly what I expected. ;-)

I'll admit, maybe you had to be there to appreciate the full impact that this had on everybody; as long as I've been writing, I've never found words to accurately describe a woman who is eaten alive with attraction. I will tell you that the men were somewhat awestruck, and I got several covert comments from them to the effect of "I want you to teach me how to do that," as they were leaving. All but the one who was "just one of the girls," that is. But like I said, we're not going to talk about him...

So, gents, that was the day, and here I sit. I wasn't born knowing how to read and respond to women like that, not even close. Twenty years ago I would have tried to be nice, tried to immediately fix everything, and stuck my foot in my mouth and had that woman crying harder and every one of those other women so angry with me they would have left with their friend in tow to save her from me.

Today, my wife has a reputation for having the greatest husband in the world. I don't know if I am or not, and will never claim to be, but if she and her friends want to think that, I'm not going to argue with them, because I'm close enough for her and that's all that matters.

In fact, I'll tell you a quick personal story to demonstrate.

We went to Niagara Falls once to visit friends and family (she's from that area) and ended up in a tourist shop. I bought her a bottle of water colored with green dye that had a label indicating that it was taken from the falls at night while the lights were shining on it, which is pretty funny when you see the bottle and have seen the spectacle of Niagara Falls at night. Normally she would have come out with something similar to that, but she found a T-shirt that says, "My husband is the 8th wonder of the modern world," and she snatched it up, held it close to her chest until she paid for it, then held it there most of the way home. I've noticed her wearing it often, and she smiles and hugs me when she sees me looking at it, often misty-eyed. Any questions?

What's important to you is that I learned everything that was necessary for today's events to unfold as they did, and so can you. It's not rocket science, it doesn't involve memorizing some encyclopedia of female behavior - I know about serotonin and polyphenols in chocolate from studying herbs and alternative medicine and making desserts, not studying women; all you need to know about it is how much your wife enjoys it and that it contains caffeine, so it can keep you awake if you eat too much of it too late; some nights that may even come in handy. ;-) In reality, women aren't that complicated. They merely seem complicated because they are different from us.

They take the long way around in doing some things, like getting through a conversation or making a plan, and they do some things that are downright self-destructive, like dwelling on negative emotions when there aren't any positive ones available, but once you see the ways in which they are different, it's very easy to understand and anticipate them, which in turn makes it incredibly easy to do something they love to have a man do: LEAD them, competently and with confidence, which turns them on like a light switch, and nearly as fast.

I had to learn all this the hard way, first by making the same mistakes that you have made, and probably more and bigger ones since it took multiple marriages to get it right, and then by getting a bunch of women together and working with them to figure out what I was missing, like really understanding how women think, what they need, what excites and bores them, and how to communicate with them, followed by getting their husbands into the action to test everything we'd uncovered, some of which turned out to be quite wrong, by the way, because women will at times say that they want something but will in fact respond very negatively to it when they get it.

They called that a "booby trap" when I was in the service. Life with a woman is filled with them, and if you don't know how to watch for them, you are going to get something, possibly your reproductive organs or your life's savings, blown off sooner or later.

Or maybe you already have. I don't know. What I do know is that no matter how good it is, you can make it better, and it usually has to be so bad that she's obtained restraining orders from the court before it's too bad to save. I also know that there are some relationships that were doomed by compatibility problems from the beginning and should not be saved, no matter how badly you think you want to. It's a mine field, but I can walk you through it if you'll let me. Take a look at a comment left by a woman who recently joined our forum to get help with her own problem:

"Actually, if you can't help me then I don't think anyone can. I found your blog a few days ago and I've been reading like crazy. I have to say how excited I was to know that what I was reading was written by a man. Finally! A man gets it. I haven't yet read anything I've disagreed with and even a couple of things that initially gave me pause, I ended up agreeing with once I was honest with myself."

You can read her story, and the discussion that ensued and is still developing, at http://forum.makingherhappy.com/showthread.php/388-The-High-School-Sweetheart-Who-Won-t-Get-Off-the-Fence. It's one of the more elaborate situations you'll hear about in middle-age people and yet quite common, with common enough elements that no matter who you are, there is something valuable for you to learn. I help people like this all the time, literally every day, and if you're in trouble, or maybe you don't think you're in trouble but things seem a little too quiet to be healthy, it's time for you to get some help, too.

To get started, just go to http://www.makingherhappy.com/ and download your copy of "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and get started. If you're having problems, you may also want to download my free reports, "Break-Up Busting 101" and "What Women REALLY Want," to help you understand what's happening and help you focus on fixing it instead of the fear that may be overwhelming you. There's not a thing in the world to lose except the time it takes to read it, and after four years, I'm still not hearing anybody saying anything except how great it is and thanking me for the results they're getting, so the evidence says you should try it, too.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham "Being a man is something to which one should aspire, not something for which he should apologize." --David Cunningham

When Does The Fairytale Begin

Encouragingly Regularly Following has to genesis somewhere.

Prince Symbolic and his firm favorite bride don't just grow up married to each one-time. It has to genesis with a courtship. A small bit of romance. You be introduced to, a great story to tell the clutch someday.

But calm with all that, you've got to get to the Primary Day of the week (cue blood curdling strident Approximately). Not later than every Primary Day of the week, I render speechless if my possibility suitor is the one I'll end up marrying. I don't wanna sound psycho, but it, without a nag, is a likeness I've mulled over with we calm hit the banquet table.

Is this one leave-taking to be the yin to my yang? The one who "gets my motor running?" The one who will someday be the daddy of my kids? Is he leave-taking to work me with the clutch someday, stuck in uncleanness and bedlam, for a day at the NASCAR descent with the guys? (please God, no.)

Is he leave-taking to work me with the clutch period?

All these small squeal dreams (or nightmares) speed order my brains with we've calm held see you later. Having the status of curling my brim, I think about the swear of his fees. Specter it be special? Specter he put likeness into it? (He better.) Then... as the makeup rounds my brood, I sensation whether he'll be velvety and lenient. I render speechless if he'll like films as a great deal as I do. My fragrance just simply kisses my sheathing though I sensation the passion of our own kisses.

And who held primping wasn't dangerous?

The latest, inadvertent intent of my overactive ingenuity is a guy I met on match.com. Our story is ahead of getting off to a fairy-tale start:

Guy sees girl on website.

Guy starts e-mailing girl, and she replies. The banter ensues.

Guy stops e-mailing and she forgets about him.

Guy emails two months vanguard asking "Where'd you go?"

Girl shows clemency by replying again.

Guy says he knew she looked forwards... and for that reason emails her at her work chronicle... explaining they had met in a bar three time ago... and he kept her card... all this time.

Yep. That hang on part was the kicker for me. I mean, who hangs on to a girl's card for three time, specifically as soon as the guy never called her in the first place?

I don't be introduced to what to make of it, but if things work out... it could be a real cute story to regulate with the grandkids, and I form an opinion that would make us Encouragingly Regularly Following.