The Power Of Presuppositions 4

My theme for today is the NLP presupposition that: "Rapport is meeting individuals in their map of the world." For me, this one follows on naturally from my last blog post when we were coming to terms with the presupposition that everyone has an absolutely unique map of his or her own. An on-line dictionary defines rapport as: "a close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other's feelings or ideas and communicate well." I really don't think I can improve on that. If you want to see rapport in the raw, then pay attention the next time you're in a restaurant and notice what's going on at those tables where harmony reigns supreme. The people will seem to be engaging in a very natural ebb and flow of energy and rhythm in which all parties are acknowledged and valued and which appears to be completely self-regulating. How do they do that? Part of the answer lies in the astonishing degree of mirroring that goes on between people in rapport: their posture, gestures, speed and tonality of speech, level of energy, even their breathing can match. The next time you're with someone with whom you have natural rapport, set yourself the task of noticing just how often your bodies match in this way. Mirroring some aspects of another person's body language is a very respectful - and effective - way of building rapport because the intention behind it is to share the other person's experience by venturing into it. Rapport is a subtle and elusive creature, so remember to respond in kind by being subtle. Match the other person's posture, frequency of eye contact, voice tone and speed by all means, but do not mimic them. Mimicry is nothing more than a thinly veiled form of mockery, and is more likely to provoke a punch on the nose than enhanced rapport. Another part of the answer lies in the language that people choose. The precise words that people use are very important for them; also for us if we want to establish and build rapport with them. Paraphrasing what people say does not acknowledge their message in the same way as actually using their own words. It may even make the speaker feel that you have failed to understand their exact meaning. I'm not asking you to role model Polly the proverbial parrot here; parroting someone's words back to them will have the opposite effect of the one you want. However, if you notice which words are particularly important to the other person, which ones they are marking out by their use of tone, and use those same words, then the person will understand not only that you have heard and understood the message, but also that you respect both message and speaker. We do a lot of this rapport stuff naturally. For example, I have a couple of friends who are decidedly and distinctly top-drawer. I've noticed that in their company my voice becomes posher. Conversely, when I'm joshing with the lads on the stalls in the veg market, my voice becomes even more sowf London than usual. I'm not doing it deliberately; it just happens and is usually out of my conscious awareness. The last thing I want to do is make you self-conscious about what you're already doing so well. What I do want to do though is to make you aware that building rapport is a skill that can be learned and refined so that we can all have more rapport with more people more often when it's useful. Before we leave this fascinating topic, I'd just like to remind all of us that rapport has an internal, intimate dimension. Our conscious and unconscious minds can be in rapport with one another or not, known as congruence and incongruence.

Reference: loveknowsnoage.blogspot.com