By Christopher Bartow

"I had a five minute hypnosis session with Christopher Bartow for the matter of dog allergies. I have been thinking whether or not this has worked. For the last two weeks I have been fostering dogs with no allergic reaction, I have concluded that my allergies to dogs have been cured! If you are skeptical of hypnosis then you should try it. If you don't think this exists, try it for yourself. It's not the Hypnotist doing anything, it's how you go about in your own consciousness. It's extremely hard to explain but if you have allergies, depression, addiction etc Just try a session with Ellensburg Hypnosis and see if it works for you. This is not voodoo or anything like it. Try it for yourself, if my allergies were cured in five minutes, imagine what could happen in an hour!" Jonathan Arthur"

In fact, this was just the NLP allergy cure.

Reference: gamma-male.blogspot.com

Female Facial Beauty And Samudrika Lakshana For Women

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Here is a study on the 'GOLDEN RATIO' that determines the facial beauty of a woman.

Conducted by the researchers of University of California and the University of Toronto, the study has drawn its conclusions from the opinions given by people.

We have a complete book on ANGA SASTRA in India developed by astrologer- rishis for the ideal features for men and women from head to toe. I don't know what methodology they used for arriving at their conclusions. But they have connected the features to some predictions about the life and future. Anga sastra for both men and women therefore is part of predictive astrology.

SOMETIME AGO WE SAW A SIMILAR STUDY DONE BY WESTERNERS ON MEN - CONNECTING THE SQUARE FACE OF MEN TO AGGRESSIVENESS. IN THAT CONTEXT I GAVE SOME OUTLINES OF ANGA SASTRA FOR MEN IN MY POST FACE SHOWS THE CHARACTER OF MEN?

In this post, I don't want to delve into the entire sastra for women but confine myself with some interesting points on face and marks on face of women.

The facial lakshana for women given in anga sastra is slightly different from what these researchers have found out.

Facial sastra says that THE IDEAL FEMALE FACE HAS 3 EQUAL DIVISIONS - the length of the forehead must be equal to the length of the nose which must be equal to the length from the tip of the nose to the end of the chin.

The BEAUTIFUL EYEBROW is that which is curved like a bow. We find comparison of eyebrow of women to a bow in many old texts. Or it must be like crescent moon.

THE FOREHEAD must be like half moon.

Speaking on MOLES AND MARKS ON THE FACE, it is said that a mole in the centre of the forehead will get a woman married to a rich person.

Similar is the prediction for one who has a mole at the tip of the nose.

If there is a mole on the left cheek, such a woman will be a contended woman. She will enjoy good food also.

Generally it is lucky to have moles in the left side of the body for women.

Connecting the facial feature to HOROSCOPIC INDICATIONS, the first house indicates the face the looks of a person. For a woman to have the above said features of sanga sastra, the lagna must be one lorded or occupied by Venus. Benefics in Lagna makes one look beautiful. The lagna Drekkana falling in benefic houses also makes one look beautiful.

- jayasree

From

http://www.dc-epaper.com/DC/DCC/2009/12/18/ArticleHtmls/18 12 2009 013 011.shtml?Mode=0#

NEW `GOLDEN RATIOS FOR FEMALE FACIAL BEAUTY

It is said that beautiful eyes make a woman attractive but according to a study distance between them and the mouth also hold the key to her looks. According to researchers from the University of California and the University of Toronto, the distance between a womans two eyes and between her eyes and mouth are key factors in determining how attractive she is to others.

Pamela Pallett and Stephen Link of UC San Diego and Kang Lee of the University of Toronto tested the existence of an ideal facial feature arrangement and successfully identified the optimal relation between the eyes, the mouth and the edge of the face for individual beauty.

In four separate experiments, the team asked university students to make paired comparisons of attractiveness between female faces with identical facial features but different eye-mouth distances and different distances between the eyes.

They discovered two "golden ratios," one for length and one for width.

Female faces were judged more attractive when the vertical distance between their eyes and the mouth was approximately 36 per cent of the faces length, and the horizontal distance between their eyes was approximately 46 per cent of the faces width. Interestingly, these proportions correspond with those of an average face, the journal Vision Research said.

"The Greeks found what they believed was a `golden ratio - also known as `phi or the `divine proportion - and used it in their architecture and art," Pallett said.

Stop Divorces

Get back with your ex

There are no set in stone ways to stop divorces from happening. They happen all the time and some of them for good reason. But, there are ways to minimize the stress involved with them. Divorce is difficult for both of you and decreasing tension and stress is very important to getting the whole thing settled amicably.

First, just to let the dust settle, get some distance from each other. This will let things like anger and hurt subside and maybe let you both see things objectively. For the first couple of weeks do not have any contact unless absolutely necessary. Let cooler heads prevail so the next time the two of you meet up then you can have a civilized conversation.

At this time you can tell each other you still love each other but really, in the grand scheme of things that really is a mute point. Sometimes the "I love you's" really do not mean all they should but if you want to throw one in there every now and then I guess it can't hurt.

If you do let cooler heads prevail and then want to get serious about talking about how to stop divorces devastating, hurtful effects then do so. But, do it in a quiet setting that is conducive to keeping things calm so you can both remain rational and sane about what you really want to do.

Click to get your ex back

Maybe it would help to keep a tally of each others reasons, like pros and cons, for staying married or getting divorced. These things, written down in black and white will help you both see where the problems lie and maybe even how they can be fixed. Not that it is the do all, end all but without all the BS between you, you might just be able to see that it is a relatively easy fix.

After sitting down together, if things are still up in the air, it might behoove you both to agree to get some outside counseling. Do not make the mistake of running separately to family members or even mutual friends. They will feel like they are supposed to choose between you and they also will impart on you their opinions of the situation which could possibly widen the gap between you. Find an impartial professional to help you sort things out.

A good counselor will encourage communication and help you learn how to be a couple. I think that is the biggest problem among married people who end up getting divorced. They never learned to be a couple and manage their lives together. Human beings are inherently selfish and one wrong slight can set you firmly on the path of becoming even more selfish and looking out for yourself instead of what is best for you both as a couple. Honesty, communication and striving to always improve what you have is essential in keeping what you have. A marriage, like anything worth having, is a work in progress.

If you do not want your marriage to become a statistic then put all your energy into repairing it so you can stop divorces destruction.

6 tips to help your ex to fall back in love with you

How to get Your Wife Back After a Breakup or Divorce

Origin: art-of-pickup.blogspot.com

When I Give Someone Flowers What Message Is The Color Sending

Flowers have long been used to convey our innermost feelings. Say it with flowers and you have a good chance of declaring your undying love and devotion to the woman or man of your dreams. These days it is common to gift flowers for Valentine's day, birthdays or anniversaries.

But who says we only have to gift flowers for obvious occasions. Instead surprise your dream date/partner with flowers when they least expect it. In additon, be different. Don't keep giving the same flowers - be unique! Here is the message you are sending based on the color and type of flower you choose.

* Roses

Roses come in many variations and colors. They are a popular choice for stating your romantic feelings and you'd have to be hard-pressed to find a woman who doesn't like to be romanced with roses. But a rose ain't a rose unless you decipher the meaning of its color.

* Red: Red roses are the universal language of love. It states "I love you" if given to your lady. It also speaks of desire and passion.
* White: White roses declare your eternal love for the girl of your dreams. They also convey the message that she is worthy, showing her your respect as an equal. If your love is pure then white roses are a great gift for the woman of your dreams.
* Yellow: Yellow roses are associated with jealousy and friendship. In the end the meaning is conveyed through the context in which you gift the rose to a woman.
* Red ">Pink: Pink roses are the sign of happiness.

* Carnations

Carnations are most likely a second choice to roses in the context of love. They are a popular flower for bouquets and ideally mixed with other colors and flowers to make an attractive and meaningful combination.

* Red: Red carnations are given for love. They also speak of passion and courage.
* Pink: Pink carnations denote a show of confidence and thankfulness. These flowers are more gentle and low-key to the obvious red.
* White: White carnations are often chosen in context with purity and spirituality. If your love is pure, strong and secure then these flowers are a good choice.
* Peach: Peach carnations show your devotion, your desire for the woman of your dreams.
* Yellow: Yellow carnations are often given to invoke friendship, joy and happiness.

* Purple: Purple carnations can be a sign of love at first sight or else they demonstrate your commitment to your girl.

* Bird Of Paradise (Strelitzia)

The Bird Of Paradise is a tropical flower originating in South Africa. We have come to associate its beauty with uniqueness and rarity. Just like the Strelitzia is unique in its appereance, by gifting this flower to a woman you celebrate her uniqueness in the world.

* Orchids

Orchids are mystical and exquisite. If you want to show the woman of your dreams just how special she is, then give her orchids. You can choose from around 20,000 variations of orchids. Expect to dig deep into your pockets though as orchids are certainly not cheap.

* Lily

Lilies are a wonderful, stately flower and often given in reverie. They carry a mysterious air and go beyond the usual flowers of choice when it comes to matters of the heart. If you want to be a little more sophisticated, then consider giving a lily or a whole bunch of them to your lover. Lilies are not just associated with funerals, they can just as well be used to say "I love you" to that special person in your life.

* White: White Lilies declare unconditional love. You mean the world to your partner.
* Peruvian lilies: They represent devotion and friendship.
* Orange: The orange lily shows passion, desire.
* Yellow: Giving a yellow lily can demonstrate feelings of gay love.

Written on 7/5/2009 by Monika Mundell. Monika Mundell is a passionate freelance writer and pro-blogger. Her blog Freelance Writing helps new freelance writers to get started in this exciting industry. If you like to work with Monika, feel free to visit her Portfolio site.
Photo Credit: miss rogue

Do you have a bucket list? Here are 101 things to do before you die. Includes a tutorial on how you can create your bucket list too!

What Will I Get From Marriage Counselling

If nearly half of all married couples set about destroying something so valuable, can we honestly say that marriage is something so valuable?

This is, of course, a loaded question, because the cornerstone of marriage must be to create something better than the sum of the individual parts. If it doesn't serve that purpose, then there is no reason for a marriage to exist at all. However, developing and maintaining this type of relationship requires a life-long commitment and shouldn't be seen as "easy".

Any lasting relationship will have complexities and challenges; so the key to building an enduring partnership is your own willingness to work at it. Unfortunately, many couples go into a relationship with a misconception about what constitutes a lasting love. Too often the idea that "love will conquer all" is the position of couples considering marriage.

Here are some good reasons why you would wish to marry (or stay married) to someone:

YOU KNOW YOUR "REAL SELF" AND RESPECT YOUR PARTNER'S "REAL SELF".

We all have pseudo-selves that we display for different occasions; when we are at work, when we are in a social setting, when we are "on display", when we are trying to impress and so on. One factor in successful marriages is respecting your partner's "real self". Of course, the sub-note to this is that you must be aware of your real self to be "honest" to your partner. Without knowing your real self, you aren't in a position to give yourself fully to your partner.

YOU SHARE COMMON INTERESTS.

If married couples share common interests, it engenders closeness and mutual experiences. Most experts agree that couples don't have to share all their interests, but having enough of them encourages spending time together, which is a key ingredient to a successful marriage. Shared interests can be anything from spending time with children, travelling, sports, arts, theatre, reading and/or food; as long as they both appreciate something together, there is a good foundation for a lasting relationship.

YOU ARE GOOD AT WORKING OUT YOUR DIFFERENCES.

Research indicates that one common theme among long-lasting marriages involves an ability to work out conflict. It is inevitable that over a period of time, all relationships will witness conflicts. The couples that can talk out their differences, surmount the conflict, and agree on a compromise are the couples that will endure. On the other hand, the partners that trigger anger and resentment in one another or are unable to talk about their differences often can't sustain a marriage.

YOUR "VALUES" ARE ALIGNED.

A common mistake is to marry for what you want instead of what you need. For example, you may want a Brad Pitt or Anne Hathaway lookalike or someone who shares your love of Classical Music, but a solid marriage needs someone who is reliable, trustworthy, works hard, and meets your needs for a marriage to last. Somewhat paradoxically, many couples don't discuss their view of children and parenting before they marry, which is an area where "values" must be aligned if the relationship is going to endure.

YOUR "FUTURES" ARE COMPATIBLE.

Talking about your expectations of the future is one of the surest ways of making sure you're both on the same page and share common values that can sustain a marriage. Many couples don't talk about what they want from the future; such as whether they want to have kids, where they're going to live, what careers they want, whether they'll be a one or two career household. Some people have a romantic ideal of love and that things will work themselves out as long as they love each other enough, but this simply isn't the case. Therefore, the more you discuss your common visions for the future, the greater the chances the marriage will last.

So now that you have gone into a relationship with your eyes wide open and for the right reasons, the best time to learn relationship skills is at the beginning; committing to a process of growing together and accepting that a lasting marriage is a process that requires ongoing attention. That way you can spend the rest of your lives together putting into practice what you've learnt.

The benefits of investing in a relationship like this have been researched as far back as the 1980s, when studies showed that marriage is strongly associated with people living healthier lifestyles, living longer, acquiring greater financial earning capacity and enjoying improved mental health. It's as simple as this: good relationships are good for you. People in supportive, loving relationships are more likely to feel healthier, happier and satisfied with their lives and less likely to have mental or physical health problems or to do things that are bad for their health. If you are interested in taking a closer look at the research, Linda Waite in "A Case for Marriage, 2000" has presented a good overview of the BENEFITS OF MARRIAGE AND MARRIAGE COUNSELLING.

With these benefits in mind, it's therefore unfortunate that many couples are reluctant to seek counselling or don't consider using a relationship therapist early on. It would appear that many couples have false assumptions or misconceptions (even suspicions) about marriage counselling and what it entails.

John Gottman, a leading marriage counselor has spent decades researching happy couples for the underlying "fundamentals" of a successful marriage. He has discovered that even though all couples experience conflict in their marriages, happy couples apparently know how to handle their disagreements because of a foundation of affection and friendship. He therefore suggests that relationship counselling should teach communication skills to couples.

His work has also shown that, when both partners apply themselves to the process of marriage counselling the couple can be optimistic of the outcome (with over 80% of the couples he saw "saving" their marriage). Even severely unhappy marriages can turn around, and both partners can feel they are living a good, fulfilling and happy life together.

The reason for the success of marriage counselling is two-fold. Like any GOOD THERAPY, first it provides a level playing field and a neutral environment where both partners can express their thoughts and emotions in a safe and managed way; such that it becomes a time and place devoted to the relationship where the difficult subjects are discussed, worked through and resolved (without threat that the discussion will lead to the marriage falling apart).

The second reason for the success of marriage counselling is that the participants can see how bad patterns have been influencing many aspects of their life and are taught remedial techniques. Subsequently couples learn key skills and techniques that work specifically to their relationship. Those acquired knowledge and skills may include:

* PERSONAL GROWTH (AND THE MECHANISMS TO DEAL WITH PREVIOUS NEGATIVE BEHAVIOURS)

* INSIGHTFULNESS INTO THE RELATIONSHIP

* THE ABILITY TO ADDRESS SPECIFIC RELATIONSHIP ISSUES IN A HEALTHY WAY

* GAINING EXTRA TOOLS TO IMPLEMENT IN THE MARRIAGE ENVIRONMENT

* MINDFULNESS ABOUT YOUR PARTNER

The science of marriage counselling has been studied in great detail and relationship experts are being used more widely. Receiving professional help before problems reach critical stage is beneficial, but getting advice on relationship skills as early as possible is advisable. A well-designed marital therapy helps those who are committed to the journey of marriage with all of its ups and downs and twists and turns.

Although seeking the advice or counsel of a professional can be extremely valuable, therapists and counselors - like any other professional - can make errors in judgment and execution. In the vast majority of cases, marital therapy or counselling helps marriages survive and thrive, but make sure you do your homework on the type of MARRIAGE COUNSELLING provided by a therapist before committing to sessions. Your choice of professional can make all the difference.

The post What Will I Get From Marriage Counselling? appeared first on Psychotherapist Counselling Therapy Sydney Psychotherapy.

Credit: break-seduction.blogspot.com

Why Women Seek Services From Abortion Clinics In Los Angeles

By Bonnie Contreras

Most people do not abort because that is the best decision they can make, but due to lack of otherwise. If you find some people aborting, the reasons behind it could be genuine and others not. For those who abort due to medical reasons, it is meant to protect the entire health of the woman. Most people have thought about this issue and have given it intensive discussion in various forums. If you must abort, you may inquire more from the abortion clinics in Los Angeles.

In any place you go across the world, you will note that the medical reasons that influence the willingness to abort are genuine. Women who have had impending miscarriages may not hold their pregnancies for a few months. The modern technology allows the doctors and other medical practitioners to determine the likelihood of a coming miscarriage. Before the miscarriage occurs, the doctors may advice the patient to abort.

In case the doctors detect that the fetus has birth defects, they may opt to discuss with you about aborting. Most women are not comfortable with carrying pregnancies of fetus with defects. They may try to do anything to avoid future problems. It is good to know that doctors use various methods to detect defects. These include blood tests, ultrasound techniques, and amniocentesis. If the defects are severe, you may choose to abort the child.

If the health of the mother is at risk of dangerous conditions due to the pregnancy, the only available option is to abort. It comes a time when the health of the mother cannot hold the pregnancy due to medical problems. When the mother has aggressive cancer problem, the doctors would recommend treating the cancer first. This may adversely put the fetus at a higher risk.

The unborn could also have various conditions that may not guarantee its survival for a long time. There are defects that unborn babies could have that may not be good for their entire survival. Pregnant women should go for intensive tests of their fetuses even at the age of 14 weeks. This screens any deformity that the unborn could be having that may severely affect their survival chances.

It is not true that people will always abort when there is s genuine reason to do so. There are those who will abort to avoid the shame that may find them later. Many girls would not like their parents to know they are pregnant. This would lead to various problems such end of school fees, lack of respect and bad image to the community.

Before some women decide to abort, they will first analyze the way in which the conception occurred. The fact that the woman got pregnant through rape instance is enough to make them abort. They do this to forget the ill action that took place some time back.

Spouses who are in serious relationship and friendship would not like to part just because of pregnancy issue. The woman will do everything possible to keep the friendship working and in good condition. In case you are in any of the above categories, you would better seek professional services from the abortion clinics in Los Angeles.

About the Author:

Read more about Reasons Why Women Search For Abortion Clinics In Los Angeles visiting our website.

10 Elements Of A Great Womans Leadership Development Program

I've recently had the opportunity to help design a brand-new open-enrollment Woman's Leadership Development Program to be offered through the University of New Hampshire's Executive Development Program. Given that I've written about how to design great leadership development programs, I thought it might make for an interesting case study to share with readers how I applied a lifetime of leadership development expertise to this program.

Here are 10 ELEMENTS OF A GREAT WOMAN'S LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT PROGRAM:

1. START WITH A SOLID RESEARCH FOUNDATION.

I've railed about this before - that is, the importance of applied leadership development based on solid evidence-based principles. I think it's especially important for a woman's leadership program, because you have to be able to answer the questions: "What makes this different than any other leadership program?" and "How will this program help woman succeed?"

For our program, we're building it based on the 2011 whitepaper "Taking Gender into Account: Theory and Design for Woman's Leadership Development Programs". It's written by professors from Harvard Business School, INSEAD, and Simmons School of Management. I've been involved in woman's leadership development programs for over 20 years, and I thought this was the best I've seen. In fact, we'll be using one of the authors, Deborah Kolb, to help us deign it and teach a module on negotiations.

From the authors: "We conceptualize leadership development as identity work and show how subtle forms of gender bias in the culture and in organizations interfere with the identity work of woman leaders. By framing leadership development as identity work, we reveal the gender dynamics involved in becoming a leader, offer a theoretical rationale for teaching leadership in woman-only groups, and suggest design and delivery principles to increase the likelihood that woman's leadership programs will help woman advance into more senior leadership roles."

2. BE READY WITH A SOLID BUSINESS CASE.

The other question that needs to be answered right off the bat is: "Why a leadership program just for woman?"

This isn't a question only men will ask - I hear it asked by woman just as often. Younger woman in particular, who may not have experienced blatant discrimination, will say the glass ceiling has been broken.

With all due respect to Jack Welch, the facts tell a different story:

According to 20-First's 3rd Annual Global Gender Scorecard, 90% of Executive Committee positions are still filled by men, with only 10% by women.

Discrimination still exists - it's just more subtle - referred to as "second generation gender discrimination".

Yet there is a real pay-off for companies that choose to close this gap. According to the 2010 McKinsey report, "Woman Matter", companies with the highest percentage of women show the best performance. In comparing the top-quartile of companies in terms of share of women in executive committees against companies that have all-male executive committees, McKinsey found that the former companies exceeded the latter by 41% in return on equity and by 56% in operating results.

Investing in the development of woman leaders isn't just a "nice" thing to do - it has a direct bottom-line pay-off.

3. DECIDE WHO THE AUDIENCE SHOULD BE AND BE SELECTIVE.

An important element of a great leadership development program is the opportunity to network and learn from other talented participants. You need to have clear program criteria so that participants can make good self-selection decisions, and also be willing to tactfully coach someone out of the program if they don't meet your criteria.

For our program, we chose to focus on "Mid and senior level women leaders in the corporate, public and non-profit sectors". We'll be looking for accomplished woman leaders with a track record of success, that are looking to advance their careers. Hard business skills are assumed to be a given.

4. THE RIGHT TOPICS.

Based on our own research and the input of a high level advisory committee, we started off with dozens of potential topics. However, we narrowed it down to the handful that we felt were critical differentiators for senior woman leaders: Leadership identity, negotiations, career strategies, presence, and leading change. These were the ones that we felt would give woman leaders the tools to address both glass ceiling and "sticky floor" barriers to success.

5. GREAT INSTRUCTORS.

Instructors need to be well versed in their specific topic (i.e., leading change") as well gender dynamics. Some would argue that program instructors don't have to be woman - but we thought it was important for group dynamics and credibility that they should be. I also think it's important to have a mix of accomplished academics AND practitioners, not just one or the other.

Here's our all-star line-up:

- Christine Shea, program Director, UNH

- Deborah Kolb, Simmons

- Vanessa Druskat, UNH

- Anne Perschel, Germane Consulting

- Elizabeth Freedman, Bates Communications

6. GREAT DESIGN.

In addition to any of the same design principles that make any leadership development program great (i.e., participant engagement, real world-applicability, challenging content), woman's leadership development programs need to be designed in a way that:

- Situate topics and tools in an analysis of second generation gender bias

- Create a holding environment to support woman's identity work

- Anchor participants in their leadership purpose

7. A GREAT SETTING.

OK, so I'm 100% biased on this one - after all, we moved to this area because we just love it so much. Our program will be conducted in our brand new, state-of-the-art Paul Collage of Business, with dedicated executive development classrooms, breakouts, and dining. Participants can choose from a number of hotels and inn near our quintessential New England campus and the charming seacoast city of Portsmouth, NH.

No matter where the program is located, the important thing is to make sure corners are not cut and every aspect of the program represents a first class experience.

8. SOCIALIZATION, NETWORKING AND SUPPORT.

Again, important for any leadership development program, but even more so for a woman's program, where the establishment of a safe space for learning and sharing is critical. A "holding environment" creates a space where woman can experience a sense of belonging and identification, where woman can offer feedback, serve as references for social comparison, and become "emotional anchors" for each other's personal learning.

We'll be doing this through the use of small group peer coaching, build-in networking opportunities (during and after the program), and exposure to as many role model guest speakers and mentors as possible.

9. OPPORTUNITY FOR ON-THE-JOB APPLICATION.

While personal development and success is important, companies often want to see a more immediate, tangible return in their investment. For our program, we'll be working with our participants to help them design and implement a strategic change project, most likely directed at addressing one or more of their organization's institutional barriers to the success of woman leaders. That way, both the individual AND the sponsoring organization gets a good ROI.

10. INDIVIDUALIZATION.

Although many of the challenges facing woman are common, the program should also offer opportunities for woman to work on their own unique challenges. We'll be doing this though individual assessment, peer coaching, and follow-up coaching with an instructor/coach.

The final piece of advice I'd offer for anyone thinking of getting involved in woman's leadership development: grow a thick skin. There will be skeptics and cynics, and that's OK, hopefully I've provided you with strategies to help with them. However, you may also be on the receiving end of some nasty stuff. Just ask Harvey Schachter, a reporter for Canada's Globe and Mail, who quoted me for a piece he wrote called "Bringing More woman to the Head Table". Here's a sampling of the comments we received:

"This is a load of BS until we see the feminist movement lobbying to get more women working in coal mines."

"What a load of crap. Thank GOD I never had to report to woman during my time in business. I would have quit."

And my favorite":"...this is a steaming pile of horse sh&t!"

This comes with the territory with woman's leadership development. Now bring it on.

How about you? Your thoughts on woman's leadership development programs? What would you like to see included or not included?

Stay At Home Motherhood Not An Option For Most Black Women

by Janelle Richards

Stay-at-home moms were in the spotlight last week after democratic strategist Hilary Rosen said stay-at-home mom Ann Romney had "actually never worked a day in her life." This statement kicked off what has been dubbed the "mommy wars" -- an intense debate between working women and stay-at-home moms about the value of each experience.

President Obama condemned Rosen's remarks, saying, "there's no tougher job than being a mom" and "when I think about what Michelle's had to do, when I think about my own mom, a single mother raising me and my sister, that's work. Anybody who would argue otherwise I think, probably needs to rethink their statement."

While women across the country reacted to Rosen's comments, some black women were mute on the topic. Unlike women of other ethnicities, black women have traditionally not had the choice to become stay-at-home mothers.According to "Historical Changes in Stay-at-Home Mothers: 1969 to 2009 by Rose M. Kreider and Diana B. Elliot the number of stay-at-home mothers has decreased from 9.8 million in 1969 to 5.7 million in 2009.

"Black women were about half as likely as White women to be a stay-at-home mother, while the odds for women of other races did not differ from those of White women," Kreider and Elliot write.

Historically, black women have always worked.

"There is evidence that married black women have always been employed outside of the house in large numbers," (Landry 2000) Kreider and Elliot note. "Even black mothers with young children were in the work force following World War II, when many of their white counterparts had withdrawn from the labor force" (Thistle 2006).

Now, the economy is perhaps the biggest reason why the idea of being a stay-at-mother for black women hasn't been a reality. The recession took a toll on the economic status of many Americans and the black community was hit particularly hard.

The 8.2 percent unemployment rate is nearly double that for African-Americans at 14 percent.

"Women usually have better success getting jobs than black men do," said Dr. Camille Charles, a Professor of Sociology and Africana Studies at the University of Pennsylvania. "So if you're talking about a two parent household, she's more likely to end up being the one to pick up the slack because historically the women have been more employable and more desirable employees because of the gender stereotypes we have as African-Americans."

Black women have an unemployment rate of about 12.3 percent, slightly lower than the 13.8 percent unemployment rate for black men. Black men and women have long worked to close the wealth gap between themselves and other ethnicities.

"The woman's not going to be the one to stop working and stay home," said Charles. "She might be the bigger earner. And as long as marriage and divorce rates are the way that they are now, and other contentious things in the black community, I don't think women are going to feel secure in giving up their careers."

During the late eighties and early nineties, fictional character Clair Huxtable in The Cosby Show embodied being a supermom. She had her own career; she was a dedicated mother and a loving wife. She was a symbol for many black women that they too could have and do it all.

Michelle Obama represents a similar ideal for many women today. She had a successful career as a lawyer before she became the first lady of the United States. She is now technically a stay-at-home mom, but her unique position makes her more of an outlier than the norm.

"I don't think [being a stay at home mother] has ever been a realistic option for the vast majority of black women," Charles added. "And even if we think about the black women who are married to the very few men who have the status where they can stay home - you're talking about a very small percentage of women who can do that comfortably."

Another reason why black women may have not have the option to stay home is because of the number of single mothers in the black community.In 2008, 72 percent of African-American babies were born to unwed mothers, according to a Pew Research report. Blacks were less likely than whites to be married, and black children were nearly three times as likely as white children to live with one parent.

Kuae Mattox is president of Mocha Moms, Inc., a support group for mothers who have decided not to work full-time outside of the home. Mattox is a stay-at-home mother who never imagined not working. She received her master's from Columbia University and went on to climb the ladder at national news organizations before deciding that staying home was the best choice for her family.

"There are many in the black community and in society who don't understand the value of what we're doing," said Mattox. "We understand very well, particularly in our organization, that a stay at home mom in January could be a working mom in September."

Maria Smith is another black stay-at-home mother and a journalist who describes her family as middle class.

"We're not the Romney's," said Smith, "We have sacrificed so that I can stay home. Not all families who have parents staying home are upper class. We don't live in mansions and all have maids and help for our kids and all that stuff that some one-percent type moms do."

Being a part of the upper echelon is just one label that black stay at home moms are given.

"When I was growing up, it never entered my mind that I would become a stay at home mother," said Mattox. "This was unheard of years and years ago -- our parents grew up and fought in the civil rights movement and their dream was to grow up and go to a good college and work their way up the corporate ladder."

Professional women who give up their careers to raise their families are sometimes seen as throwing away their hard earned success and erasing that progress which past generations worked to achieve through hard fought battles.

"Being a stay at home mother is a shift in who you are," said Smith, "It is about identity. I was never associated, myself, with just being a television producer; that was just what I did. But those lines get blurred a lot."

The societal implication that staying at home means you are living a life of luxury versus solely fulfilling domestic duties is not necessarily representative of what mothers at home are doing. Their reality is more complex.

"The whole notion of stay at home mom it's a huge misnomer, and it implies passivity," said Mattox, "The moms I've met -- they don't stay at home. They are home based parents, but they are moms who are grassroots organizers, PTA organizers, and they are out participating in their communities."

Balancing career and family life is a natural expectation for African-American women.

"We don't see the mommy wars as our wars - we have friends, mothers and aunts who all worked," said Mattox. "It would be hypocritical of us to disparage people who worked and to tell people what to do - you have to decide what's best for you and your family."

Ashani O'Mard is a grant development manager who manages a part-time schedule and raising her two children. She has sacrificed having a higher income for time with her family.

"I didn't know exactly what I wanted, but I knew I wanted to be a Clair Huxtable when I grew up," said O'Mard, "My career is very important to me and I wanted to continue to cultivate my professional development, but I did make a choice that it was second to my family. It's a complex issue. You have to sacrifice something and figure out what's the most important thing for you."

According to the Journal of Blacks in Higher Education, there is still a racial gap that exists in education, but the college graduation rate for black students has improved over the past three years.

"We would not be given the choice to stay home if it weren't for the economic opportunities awarded to our husbands," said Mattox.

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