As the personal matchmaker for eH+, I get to spend lots of time talking to users who want a more hands-on experience in their search for a great relationship. We get to dig into the past relationships they've had, the successes and failures of their romantic life and the reasons they believe things haven't worked for them in an online dating environment.
But more than anything, I get to see the blind spots that develop as people search for love. These are tough subjects to discuss because, typically, they have no idea that they are sabotaging their own search, and failing to deal with this can literally mean that a person won't find the love they need and hope to find.
In this first article, we look at a few common blind spots:
1. LETTING THE PAST TEACH YOU THE WRONG LESSON
If you dated a lawyer, and he was a jerk, it can be tempting to say, "No more lawyers!" But take that strategy to its logical conclusion. You end up with a list of, "No more lawyers. No more doctors. No more musicians. No more..." You end up building a wall of "no" that is simply based on a sample of one or two. The best attitude you can bring to the search for love is, "Bring it on!" Set aside your past disappointments and conclusions. Every match is a unique possibility.
2. "I'M PAYING A LOT, SO I WANT TO ENDLESSLY SHOP."
It can be easy to forget why you're working with eH+ or eHarmony in the first place. You want to find one amazing person who will love you, appreciate you, and experience life with you for the rest of your days. Sometimes people come with the attitude of, "Well, that woman was great, but I really want to shop around. Maybe there's someone better."
"Maybe there's someone better?"
eH+ brings you matches one at a time because each person is hand-selected and hand-vetted. If you enjoy a date with a match, feel a special connection, see a spark of chemistry, don't let that person go. Don't "throw back" a special person because you want to shop. You're looking for love, not a car. If you end up marrying your soulmate, the price you've paid will be peanuts compared to the value, love and joy you'll have.
3. DEMANDING CONTROL
Successful people have a few things in common. Typically, they pay attention to detail. They are proactive. They strategize, create structure and execute on their plan. Often these traits make them very successful in all areas of their life except one - romance.
Yet, because their traits work well for them in their business life or financial life they bring the same set of skills to their love life. I often talk with eH+ users who want to completely control how the process works. They know themselves, what they want and how it should work. I spend a great deal of time helping them understand that this is a different world and that they need to give up control.
It's fine to be organized. It's great to have a firm set of thoughts and feelings about what you want. But the best way to take advantage of eH+ or eHarmony is to take a step back, and let us do the work that has helped us create over 600,000 marriages.
"ABOUT EH+:" UNLIKE PERSONAL MATCHMAKERS THAT CHARGE 50,000 AND INTRODUCE YOU TO A TINY NUMBER OF MATCHES, EH+ USES A PERSONAL MATCHMAKER TO VET AND HAND-SELECT MATCHES FROM EHARMONY'S LARGE POOL OF USERS FOR A FRACTION OF THE PRICE THESE HIGH-END MATCHMAKERS CHARGE - 5000. LEARN MORE ABOUT SARAH.
The post Are You Getting in Your Own Way? Advice from Sarah, eH+ Matchmaker appeared first on eHarmony Advice.
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