Here comes the single bride. Last week, Nadine Schweigert married herself in a symbolic wedding ceremony. The 36-year-old divorced mom of three wore blue satin and clutched a bouquet of white roses as she walked down the aisle before a gathering of 45 friends and family members in Fargo, North Dakota.
More: the history of weird wedding traditions
She vowed to "to enjoy inhabiting my own life and to relish a lifelong love affair with my beautiful self," reports Fargo's InForum newspaper. After the ring was exchanged with the bride and her inner-groom, guests were encouraged to "blow kisses at the world," and later, eat cake.
What makes this whole spectacle more amusing that there were dozens of people that supported this decision. In fact, one of her friends made the suggestion to her:
"I was waiting for someone to come along and make me happy," she told reporter Tammy Swift. "At some point, a friend said, 'Why do you need someone to marry you to be happy? Marry yourself.'"
Looks like her "friend" succeeded in her act of relationship sabotage. Nothing says friendship like making sure your competition (as that's how single women seem to view other single women, even if they call them friends) is out of the game. Only one person at this whole fiasco had any sense and that was her son:
Schweigert's 11-year-old son was her biggest critic: "He said, 'I love you, but I'm embarrassed for you right now.'"
Smart kid. If an 11-year old can see the obvious, why can't a 36-year old woman? Just goes to show that most adult women today are the mental equivalent of children, and in some cases, they're less than that.
The commentary "Point-Counterpoint" section of the article makes the whole read worth it, however. From the "Pro-Single Marriage" section, this woman thinks that single people should have the right to marry themselves, which also confirms my theory that too much college education should be an automatic disqualification for voting. This will be a point-by-point breakdown of her argument. Enjoy:
For some people being alone is what feels most natural.
They're called "introverts", thanks for noticing. They like being away from most people, that doesn't mean they want to "marry themselves".
Shouldn't they too be entitled to tax breaks?
Is that all marriage is to you? A tax-break?
Don't they get a moment in the spotlight, the chance to rationalize a way-too-expensive dress, the two weeks off from work unquestioned, the ridiculous kitchen appliances they'd never have bought for themselves?
Why should anyone care if they have their "moment in the spotlight"? People aren't entitled at birth to be specially recognized for just existing. You actually have to WORK and ACCOMPLISH in order to get recognized, and even then it's not guaranteed. Furthermore, who exactly is stopping single people from taking two weeks off work and buying useless appliances? It's your time and your money, call your boss and say you need a couple weeks off to visit your family in Nutsack, Oklahoma. Go to Home Depot and buy your new stove. You don't need a fancy wedding to do that.
It's time we did away with the stigma of 'old maids' and the belief that you're not really complete without a partner.
The fact of the matter is that women want to get married even more than men do. Women simply hate being single and alone, no matter how many friends they have. There's just something missing in their lives and they know it. Sure, having a spouse won't solve all your problems, but it beats the hell out of going at the world by yourself. The stigma of being an "old maid" comes from within before anybody else notices. Nobody cares more about you being single than you do.
Some people are actually proud of their solo relationship status and even ready to commit to it.
Ready to commit to it? Does this woman even read what she writes? You can't marry yourself because you can't have sex with yourself! That's the consummation of the marriage ceremony, the moment when you actually enter in to that special relationship. By all means, "marry" yourself, but don't expect everyone else to support your decision. We'll mostly just look at you with judging, mocking eyes and walk away.
Maybe if more people could reap the benefits of a wedding without a partner, there would be a lower national divorce rate.
Spending night-after-night alone is more than most people can stand. After a while, you get sick of dwelling with your thoughts; we're not made for singleness. God said it Himself when He made Adam in the Garden of Eden: "It is not good for man to be alone." Few people can do it, and those that can are anomalies, they're not the rule. As for a lower divorce rate....we could solve that by doing away with no-fault divorce, financial incentives, and anti-family laws. Not to mention, we could start encouraging people to remain married and shaming those that get divorce for frivolous reasons.
It should not come as a surprise that this woman is, in fact, single. It makes her qualified to write this article....or something.
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